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Hi everyone - would welcome some advice and guidance on an issue that keeps cropping up.
I divorced my ex-wife in 2016 and we have 3 kids. We agreed to split the assets from the house sale 50/50 and she agreed she wanted the kids weekly and I would have them weekends so she could work. I also agreed to start paying maintenance as per my obligations to the CMS. I also have agreed I’ll increase with any salary increase but if there is none then I’ll infrease by the rate of inflation.
Our situations changed, so I have the kids 2.5 weekends out of 4 and she does the rest. I pay £572 a month in CMS. I also have arranged extra curricular activities, such as swimming (£72 a month), purchase our own clothes for them (our being me and my new fianc!) as well as holidays and savings for their future.
However for sometime my ex wife has been demanding that I pay towards childcare for the three during the week as she works full time. When we split, she was working hours that required no childcare. Her situation is now further complicated by the fact she’s wanting to move in with her new boyfriend, which means she’ll lose her support and has to foot any bill herself, so the pressure has ramped up. I am adamant that I am not obligated to pay and that any decisions she’s made about her choice are not my concern nor should I be penalised for them. A pretty hard line approach I accept however I feel I’m in a position to take that stance, based on what I’m able to do.
She’s also started being difficult about Christmas. Originally we agreed to alternate Xmas but she has decided it’s her time and the kids should only come if they want. I can live with that for now and I do see the value in keeping routine in Xmas but it obviously limits my family and I feel she knows if she asks the kids with her they’ll say her, just as know if I ask them they’ll say mine.
So I wanted some opinion on whether people would suggest mediation as a way to an agreement down on paper and how effective they are? I’m thinking it would be good to have a clear agreement in place that we know the limitations of. Or do people think I’m fundamentally wrong in any way?
Hi there
There's no obligation to pay anything above the amount calculated by the CMS, some do make discretionary payments above and beyond, some just can't afford to.
Mediation is a requirement, before court action, when there are problems concerning contact, it can help separated parents to work out a schedule that suits them both, which can be written into a Memorandum of Understanding, and can help to avoid court. However, this isn't legally binding and any agreement can be reneged upon.
One way of deciding on a way forward about decisions concerning your children would be to work together on a Parenting Plan, I can give you a link to more info about this, it's might be a good idea to introduce it at mediation, or print a template off and give it to her to work on beforehand, you can then compare your plans and work on one together at mediation, that suits you both.
All the best
I would look at the maintenance calculator, and see what you are obliged to pay if a case is opened with CMS. If she starts to be too difficult, you have the option to open a case yourself (costs £20 oneoff) and you need pay no more than the calculated amount, so no extra for anything (you'll have to pay for clothes at your end if she doesn't provide, not a lot you can do about that in a practical sense), that presumed loss of money might make her see things a little more reasonably. Certainly having this figure going into mediation is going to give you a good starting point.
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