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Hi All,
Was wondering if you could share your thoughts and any risks I may have missed.
When paying CMS would you tell your kids that you are paying it, the amount being paid and maybe show a bank statement to confirm it has been paid? Also why it is paid (as per CMS guidelines re the purpose of CMS) My thoughts are to negate anything the ex may be saying to the kids such as your father is not paying anything towards your upkeep or because father is not paying anything that is why we have to go to the food bank or they can't have the things they want or go out on trips etc.
I'm on UC so monthly payments are minimal although when I get a job I expect to increase payments. I appreciate that telling the kids may depend on their ages etc but are the reasons not to and does anyone else have this conversation with their kids? If so how did it go and if not why not (other than age).
Thanks
Daddyup
hi,
i would advise not to get kids involved in money matters. that's between the parents. when kids are with you, you pay for food and other items etc.if they see you doing that, they don't need any explanations. we wouldn't want our kids to think that they are a financial burden on us.
you have to be careful. whatever you tell them, they can go pass that info onto mum, just being innocent kids. I am in similar situation to you. out of work, but not claiming UC or paying maintenance at present. sometimes we have to bite our tongue and overlook, when other parent is feeding the kids info when they shouldn't.
Thanks Bill, biting our tongues is hard but often required. I'm all for the long game and keep a record of anything so if I am challenged by the kids in the future I have clear irrefutable evidence.
What about situations where child requests money for a school trip to Paris lets say. At that point would you advise explaining that CMS of £500 (or whatever amount) has been paid and that you can't afford to pay anymore and that potentially this money could be used for that? Or would suggest paying the CMS and then half of the school trip cost (imagine if it is £500 for the trip etc)..
Clearly everything is based on affordability aswell but I'd hate to be in a position where child cannot go on trip with mum saying it is because father is not paying for it, or not paying half or not contributing anything (without explaining CMS is being paid)... My worry is that this could lead to long term negativity towards me especially if the trip is missed.
Thanks
I think a difficult one to know what is right or wrong and probably depends on the age of the children. If they are too young to understand money and how much is needed to live, it really does not make sense to them.
I do understand your concerns about the children being told their Dad is not paying money to help. My ex tells everyone I do not contribute. When the marital home was finally sold, I went to visit the new owner for one last look at the house, and he told me that ex had said I do not contribute a penny to my children. I was paying £497 per month at the time!
I decided to tell mine the truth of the situation, as they were teenagers. Had enough of the remarks that I had all the money, their mum had none, plus allcomers being told the same.
So I understand the concern, and no right or wrong answer in my opinion.
Thanks HRabbit. That's the sort of situation I'm trying to avoid with my kids. I don't really care about what she says to others but I do care about what she says to the kids..
Mine are probably too young at the moment but in a couple of years time maybe its one to consider with the eldest.
At the moment they seem to think money grows on trees and they just need to ask for something and they will get it!!