[Solved] Child Support

No it doesn't sound at all correct - I'd get back to them and tell them that you are the resident parent.

Thanks, I should have been claiming these last five years but I was just glad to have my son home and didn't think I could get anything from her anyway, I'm not well versed or equipped in these battlefields.

I will call on them on Monday morning

Regards

Hi Stewart,

Have you been claiming child benefit and tax credits for your son? Is your son registered with the GP and school as living with you?

Contact the CMS immediately and tell them you have a current order that has been in place for 5 years stating that your son resides with you, they will require proof that you have this. Explain that your son has only just started to visit his mother after no contact for the last 5 years and that he is registered as living with you with the school and GP.

I do hope you have been claiming child benefit all this time, if you have not and you have allowed the mother to continue to receive this, you may have difficulty convincing the CMS that your son has been with you all this time. If you have been claiming the benefits you are entitled to inform the CMS of this, if you haven't I would advise you to put a claim in with the child benefit office straight away.

If the mother is working you are entitled to claim maintenance from her and I would suggest you do this. They will take into account the agreement you've just made with her for your son to stay overnight with for 3 nights a week and they would make a reduction for that.

Best of luck

Hey Mojo,

Yes I have been claiming child benefit all this time and continue to do so, the school informed me that she tried to change his address last week, but they refused as she is not on the contact list. I'm not sure about the doctors, I will check with them, but my guess is she has. I'm worried because she seems to have him spellbound , I'm hoping it's just the honeymoon period because she is a terrible influence (giving him weed and cigarettes!, no boundaries, emotionally manipulative, not sending him to school - all related to mental illness no doubt but she cannot see it as a problem). She is his mother and he is enamoured at the moment after years of not caring due a poor relationship with her amongst other things.

Thanks for the information, I will call them tomorrow.

Kinds Regards

I see, that is quite concerning, are you sure he should be spending any overnights there if she is giving him drugs and cigarettes and not getting him to school?

As you have an order that he resides with you, you can stop or limit contact if it isn't in his best interests, which it clearly isn't. I understand that it's very difficult to lay down the law to a boy of his age, but he is still a child and one that is at risk when he is at his mothers. Being the primary parent in situations like this is a challenge, I can see this must be a difficult situation for you.

Yes very concerning, I have laid down the law but he is adamant he wants to see her, I've called the police but they said because he has gone there willingly they cant remove him, the social services are monitoring the situation with school paying home visits to get him in, I am in close contact with school as they can see the transformation. I'm still talking to him and having regular contact and he has promised to stay with me 4 days a week but he is also lying a lot since seeing her 8 weeks ago and has been staying there the last 2 weeks after tonight. He was a sports lad and wouldn't dream of smoking, now he smokes and smokes weed, the descent is horrendous but the social services are only waiting to see what happens! And suggest I go though the courts again, I mean what is the point of the court order if its non enforceable? What does it actually mean, it was left with indirect contact through solicitors only, not great, but that is how she left it, due to appalling behaviour. towards our son and a refusal to have a mental health assessment. Her other son (now older) called the social services too as he went though awful times with her when he was this age., weed and sleeping with his friends was mentioned! He eventually managed to leave and turn his life around.

I find myself in a nightmare and this CMS letter asking for 400 pounds a month was just the latest instalment. I just cant believe what's happening, my world has fallen apart in the 8 weeks since this unofficial contact with his mum.

I find myself in a nightmare and this CMS letter asking for 400 pounds a month was just the latest instalment. I just cant believe what's happening, my world has fallen apart in the 8 weeks since this unofficial contact with his mum.

Hi

Do not be overly concerned with CMS and how they handle things. Their approach is to assume "the mother (assumed RP) is always right" - and to make you prove your case. Whilst we are often not used to dealing with things in this "order" (guilty until proven innocent) - this *is* how they work, and it is not personal.

So you need to get in contact with the CMS asap - and to ask them what this is about, and to ask how you can clear this up (provide court order, etc). It should all be sorted out (meaning they should instead levy a maintenance calculation against the child's mother - payable to you, rather than simply close the case).

..... I'm so sorry about what is happening to you and your boy, The teenage years of a childs development can be the hardest to deal with.

Are you in touch with his brother regularly? Would he be able to help by talking to your son about his experiences? Do the police and Social Services know that your son is being supplied with drugs?

Court orders are enforceable, but I'm unsure how this would be done in your case. She had indirect contact which has now progressed to direct contact with overnight stays and I don't see that the court would have the power to revert it back now, I think it may take a different kind of order such as an injunction or a Prohibited Steps Order to try and stop contact.

I would give Coram a call, they can advise you on the legal side of things and may be able to point you in the right direction. I would certainly try and push Social Services into taking a more pro active stance, if you are unhappy with the Social worker dealing with this you can make an appointment to see the senior SW/manager. Here's a link to Corams contact page

http://childlawadvice.org.uk/clas/contact-child-law-advice/

...you may be entitled to legal aid to pay for a solicitor as your son is at risk, it also depends on your financial situation, but it's worth looking into.

A call to the NSPCC helpline might provide further advice too

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-you-can-do/report-abuse/

Also if you need someone to talk to Family Lives (Formerly ParentLine plus) might be worth trying, here's details of their helpline.

If you would like support and advice, you can talk to one of our Family Support Workers through Live Chat, email us or call our confidential helpline on 0808 800 2222. Family Lives is here for you 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can contact us about any family issue, big or small.
We listen, support and never judge.

Best of luck 🙂