Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi I'm new on here and would like some advise, me and my ex partner split back in 2014 our child being 3 years old.
Our child was always for mum when we were together, a few months down the line mum meets someone else and basically turns from mum to part time mum, basically palming her off left right and Center on the days she was ment to be looking after our daughter. I would only find out from people telling me. At the time this was still 2014, I was still paying off bills from our rented house and some furniture finance which was just short of 1500 even though I left her with everything in the house. 2015 she moves in with her new partner, still palming our daughter off when she could for days out /holidays and breaks. I asked for some of the furniture back to which I get a reply of its in storage. Anyway by this time I took the hint, changed my hours at work and started to have my daughter more on a mutual agreement of I pick her up from nursery Monday to friday and have her on a weekend every fortnight. Things went on this way until early 2017 then she asked me for hold maintenance, but at the same time her and her partner had just "bought a house". I agree 100 a month baring in mind I'm still collected little one from school Monday to friday and working 45 hours a week around that. I was never aloud her over night, until late 2017 when she asked me to care for our daughter as our daughter hated staying with them and wanted to live with me, so that was that, I was happy, she was running Crocodile tears and the daughter was over the moon that she now lives with me. Early 2018 I set everything up child benefit, child tax and working tax credits. She then goes on another holiday, probably the 5 in a year, I get left to sort out the weekend she's ment to have her without any notice. Now this is where I need advice, she has recently asked me on numerous times to pay her back for items for our daughter due to her being skint, I like to calm and just agree. But I have never paid for something in the past and asked her for the money back ... Because that's our daughter. I just want to know, I'm having her Monday to friday whilst still working 40 hours, she's fed, nicely clothed, we have days out and all that, but the ex is still demanding I pay for bits and bobs because she is skint.
Hello Superdad91
All children have the right to receive child maintenance, and parent's have a responsibility to make and keep an effective child maintenance arrangement. It sounds as though you are currently classed as the parent with the main day-to-day care of your daughter, and you have also mentioned that you are currently in receipt of the Child Benefit for her.
As far as child maintenance is concerned, if you currently have a mutual child maintenance arrangement (what we refer to as a family-based arrangement) - you can choose to arrange the care of your child (including things such as paying for items that your daughter requires) in a manner that suits you both.
These types of arrangements are flexible, and are not legally binding. This means that you can negotiate with one another about how the care for your daughter is managed overall, and who should provide what for her.
The Child Maintenance Options website has a variety of supporting tools and information available at, http://www.cmoptions.org, which have been designed to support you or someone acting on your behalf to put a family-based arrangement in place, or help renegotiating an existing one.
On the other hand, if you have or are intending to put in place a statutory child maintenance arrangement (though the Child Maintenance Service - the Government's statutory maintenance service) you would not be legally obliged to pay back your ex-partner for items she has purchased for your daughter. Instead, as your daughter is living with you mainly and you are in receipt of the Child Benefit, they would generally consider you the 'receiving parent'. This means that they would calculate an amount of child maintenance that your ex-partner would be expected to pay to you to support your daughter.
If you would like any further information about the Child Maintenance Service and the fees involved with this, and to receive a more personalised service, you can contact Child Maintenance Options directly.
You may be interested to know that the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) have a website, Sorting out Separation. It aims to make it much easier when you are separated to find the support you need, when and where you need it on a range of concerns, including, money, housing, employment, legal and parenting apart. You can view the website at https://www.sortingoutseparation.org.uk/.
Regards
William
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.