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Completely agree. It's beyond unfair that someone can be left in serious financial hardship in order to support their ex partner. I wouldn't take out a loan for the amount of money that Child maintenance ask for. If it was any other section of society than men who were so negatively affected something would be done about it very quickly, yet here we are decades later with it still going on. I have 5 years left of payments and every contact from child maintenance makes me feel physically ill. My hands shake and I feel like I'm going to be sick and it takes me about a week to calm back down when letters or emails come from them. No one should be made to feel like this.
@solo45 often they send people text messages at 10pm at night. if you get those and don't want to, you can log into your self-service account. there is an option to turn off text message notifications.
It is 10 months since my last post (above). I dropped in today, and as always I am dismayed to hear how poorly fathers are treated by our society.
I have been doing the shared parenting for the past 9 years, my son spends alternate weeks with me (changing over every Wednesday) - he will be 18 in 2 months time and I will have got him to adulthood in much better order than if that task had been left to his mother. He is a fine young man and we have an excellent relationship.
In spite of all the above the bias still continues: just last week my son had a medical appointment which happened to take place in a week he was with me. I drove him to the doctor's office, and was a bit annoyed that his mother had changed the medical practice without telling me. I then discovered (by coincidence) that my son's mother had changed his NHS records such that I was not mentioned (no name, address or phone number); there was a second phone number listed, but it was not mine (maybe it way her boyfriend's number - I don't know). I asked the NHS receptionist about it, who said if I wanted to change it I'd have to get my ex-wife's agreement - I don't think that is correct, but it does illustrate the institutional bias that pervades through every part of our society.
What do I do about it? Nothing of course, just like when the same thing has happened with my son's schools, his boy's football club, the county council, the DWP... my son offered to get it changed, but it isn't worth him causing a row with his mother, so as always we'll just leave it.
Was the shared parenting worth it? Without a doubt yes: I can look my son in the eye when he turns 18 in September and tell him I did everything I could; much better than that he understands that and knows the outcome was much better that if I'd left him to his mother's devices, as the state would have preferred.
Good fortune chaps.
O.
Thats lovely to hear and well done you. Its hopefully an inspiration to others
This will probably be my final post on dad.info.
It is 9 months since my previous post (above). I have effectively reached the end of this journey: my son is now 18 and a fine young man, I'm very proud of him. He will complete his A levels in June and go off to university somewhere between Glasgow and Guildford - and I'm pleased to have given him a good start in life, in spite of the huge bias the state's agents have shown throughout.
I put my life on hold 10 years ago to focus on being a good dad. Now it is time for me to move forward.
I still read the same stories about dads who try to do the right thing for their children in this pages. The way our society treats fathers is despicable, everyone knows that but there is no progress whatsoever in correcting it. All I can say to other dads is 'be resolute, it is worth it in the end'.
Farewell, and good fortune,
O.
Glad to hear you now have a young adult, ready to spread their wings. Thanks for contributing to Dad Info. All best, Nell
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