[Solved] Child maintenance - It seems so unfair

Have been through the mill with my ex who is nothing more than an entitled brat… she has used my daughter as a political pawn for nothing more than her own financial gain. I now find myself at a junction. Do I reduce my contact to hopefully stabilise my already exhausted mental state or do I simply stub up every time for every little thing?

As many have said before, the systems broke and nobody cares to fix it. At the end of the day CMS payments are not a life sentence, they still hurt tho. I will delight on the day my final payment is made, it is at that time that we as men can regain some power, dignity and control over a very cruel and antiquated system. Until then it’s bite down and take it I guess…

Without knowing all of the details, I would say that you need to look after your own health first - without that you can't be your best for your daughter. The one thing I would warn you, though, about reducing your contact, is will your ex then use that as a new starting point to cause you more anguish. In other words, will you reduce your contact, but not actually reduce your levels of stress.

If you give us some more information (not too detailed, just an outline will do), then we may be able to suggest something, or at least provide a listening ear.

Good morn,

I drop in on this thread about once every 18 months - and have since it started.

I'm always dismayed to find that nothing has changed. Our society just seems to accept that it is fine to be biased against men.

Ho hum - see you in 18 months 🙂

hi,

I would suggest you get in touch with your local MP. Email a top manager of CMS: Arlene.Sugden@dwp.gov.uk and copy in your Mp to the email.

I joined this forum after reading this post, and share a lot with how unfair the system is.

I am fortunate not to have a story of incredible unfairness, but it is still painful how much we have to pay.

In my situation, married 10 years, separated (mutually the right decision) 2 years ago, had raised 2 step-children for 10 years, and have 1 of my own, and of all the children (by their choice) only 1 of them stays with me 2 nights a week.  I'm on good terms with the ex, we have made difficult decisions around holidays and birthdays, the adjustment is hard, but at least we are currently amicable.

I pay 350 pcm.  1 child should be 307 pcm, but I even paid a little extra for the (younger) step-child as it felt right.  He will soon be out of education and in full-time work, so that amount will reduce in the near future.  I know the ex and children are not well off, I believe they have combined net income for the 4 of them a little above mine, and I have no other dependencies.

On the one side I feel proud to be making the contribution, I know it is needed, and I don't feel I'm being manipulated or used by the ex.  On the other-hand though, she has zero debt, was able to buy more for each child at christmas, and is taking them all on holiday next year, while I am still struggling with accumulated debt after moving out.

It is cathartic sharing this, and having read some of what others have I appreciate it could be a whole heap worse!  It's certainly been on my mind though, not that money brings happiness, it's just nicer arriving to your problems in a limousine.

It just feels unfair, but without negatively impacting their livelihood, I'm not sure what the solution is; I'd certainly not want my children to go without, just don't want to be paying for her date nights in the process.