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With a court order in place, I see my 3 children about 45% of the time. After 5 years of manipulation from the mother I am desperate and am planning to cut all ties with my children.
csa will increase from £400pm to £700pm.
how can I afford that?
Hi. That sounds terrible. Suggest you don't cut ties with kids. Think you will feel more hurt when paying large amounts but not seeing kids.
With a court order in place, I see my 3 children about 45% of the time. After 5 years of manipulation from the mother I am desperate and am planning to cut all ties with my children.
csa will increase from £400pm to £700pm.
how can I afford that?
There's a common thread that runs through a lot of parental separations, that is: one parent invariably uses the child(re) as a pawn to get back at the other parent.
Selfish parents use a suite of undermining and manipulation tactics to control their ex. The two things that bite the hardest are to hit someone in the pocket and make them feel that their second best in the child(ren)'s life.
Without knowing your situation in detail, I agree wholeheartedly with the other respondents. "Hang in there". At the end of the day, always take the most conciliatory approach you can and, importantly, be consistent. Reflection is key. Take a step back in time and think to yourself: what would you have wanted from your parents or guardians?
Children's minds change as they grow up. They absorb a lot of information subsconsciously. A child's mind at five, is very different to 10 and 15. You want to look back when're they're 16 or 18 and think: 'have I done everything I can to support and care for my children?' If you can honestly say 'yes', then you have nothing to reproach yourself on.
While there may be some hurtful things said (from both your ex and even your children) along the way, the children don't necessarily see things in context and the ramifications of their words / actions.
I say this all with first hand experience. In the end, consistency pays dividends. Sometimes, it's a process that you have to go through; it can take months or several years, but the worm always turns against those who manipulate their children against the other parent.
Make sure you keep in regular contact with the children's school(s) and speak to their wellbeing / welfare offer to raise any concerns that you might have. As long as you're measured in your approach, you'll receive their backing. If you ex denies them speaking with a wellbeing officer, that wont look good on them.
So, in conclusion... be consistent and fair, even if the other party isn't. People are always drawn to people that are reasonable and considered in their approach.
Keep up head up.
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