[Solved] Changing Maintenance that is stipulated in a Consent Order

Thanks for taking the time to offer such good and detailed advice. I spoke to the CMS yesterday and they are now reviewing the maintenance situation.

Thanks a million William.

Hi Again,

I did mean to add above if she does try and reduce contact then if you ended up back in court then the judge would take a dim view of it when it has clearly been done as soon as CMS gets involved.

Keep us posted on how things go.

GTTS

Well we were in court a week ago Monday (25th June). First time I was supposed to see my son after court was Wednesday 27th June....he was at school that day but then was mysteriously ill in the evening so couldn't come to his football training (I coach his team) nor stay the night like he has every previous Wednesday for well over a year.

His team mates told me he was fine at school and some of them had been playing Fortnite with him online just before they came out to training that very evening. My daughter told me he had a friend round so doesn't seem like he was that ill and he was at school next day.

Had him the weekend and he wanted to stay Sunday night as well. He has asked for this to be permanent as part of the arrangements on my weekends with him.

My ex agreed to it a couple of months ago but I am almost certain the ex mother in law then had a word with her and pointed out how many extra nights that would mean per year, now he stays on the odd Sunday night of my weekends with him.

He really wanted to stay Sunday just gone so I text the ex....she said no even though she was at work and not home until late.

I thought long and hard and had discussed this with my McKenzie friend after court the previous Monday. She advised me that in this situation I was within my rights to allow my son to stay and that it was a civil matter so the Police would not be interested as me and my ex have equal parenting responsibility; there are no orders or safeguarding matters involved with either of us parents......so I text her back politely and said I would be letting him stay Sunday. My son later told me that the ex had warned him on the previous Friday not to ask to stay at mine on Sunday.

Last night I was due to have my son (who is 11 by the way) and my middle child (daughter aged 15).

All seemed fine, picked my son up, did football training, picked my daughter up and went back to my place.

Whilst my son had a bath my daughter started talking to me about court, details of stuff that a child shouldn't be party to. She also regurgitated a whole host of inaccuracies about what had recently gone on in court and my reasoning for taking the ex to court in the first place.

I tried to calm her down but she got very angry with me. My son then came in the room and started quoting exact figures to me such as my salary and what I pay in maintenance, stuff again that shouldn't concern our children and stuff they certainly haven't heard me talking about.

I tried to calm them but the situation just kept going with more untruths that they just didn't wasn't to hear my perspective on. My daughter has had quite a few issues with school, her mother and gangs in which I have tried very, very hard to help her and be there for her so it was quite upsetting to hear my daughter so angrily spouting such bile at me.

I said to her that the way she was talking was not acceptable in my home and that if she wants to carry on talking to me in that way she would need to go home.
Within a minute she had gone and called the ex who then came and picked her up, sadly my son followed.

I feel pretty helpless at the moment. My ex openly says (at times of crisis) that she cannot cope with the kids and I get brought in to help sort the situations when they get too much for the ex.

I am then pushed out at arms length until the next crisis. My middle daughter has been responding well to her overnight visits with me and has been relaxed and really opened up about the issues she is having.

But last night during our conversation I had pulled her up on a lie about a horse riding lesson, a lie she told me last Sunday and that had the potential to cause a row with the ex, my daughter didn't like that I had seen through the lie and made her even angrier.

I have no way of enforcing rules and levels of behaviour when all my kids have to do is call mum to come and get them if I say something they don't like. Conversely I have backed the ex on many occasions when her and our daughter have had problems with each other and have always left the situation in a better state than I found it.

I really have vented here and sorry for doing so but this all happened last night and its still a bit fresh.

So after going off on a huge tangent, I definitely can see me seeing less of the kids now.

Sorry that this has happened. I'd give it a few days and see how it goes on, but you may need to consider mediation to start to resolve this.

I invited my ex to put child arrangements in place when our solicitors were involved whist we were sorting the divorce....she said no. My solicitor asked hers about mediation. She said no. I went to mediation earlier this year....she said no again. I eveneed asked the mediator how long I could leave it to see if she would change her mind. The mediatior contacted her again. It was no. Magistrate's and Cafcass recommend mediation. She said no.

I really did try with mediation actd but can't see her changing her mind now nor sticking to anything.

Thank you for your reply though, much appreciated.