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Hi, am new to this so hope i am in the right place.
My partner and I parted 8 yrs ago.We have a daughter who is 16 and will be starting A levels in Sept.
They live in a rural setting (by choice) however the school bus is no longer free once you complete GCS'es
which our daughter has.
My ex partner is asking for additional monies to cover the bus fares.
I have always paid child maintenance since the day they left.Initially £170 monthly..based on my income.I retired 4 yrs ago
and my monthly payment to her is now £130 monthly based on my pension income.I have been happy to pay additional monies over the years for school trips ,french exchange,holidays and outward bound courses.I also give my daughter £20 monthly in pocket money.
I think the nub of the issue over the years has been our different perceptions of what that money is for.My ex partner has always seen it as being part of the general budget.There have been times when I have had to buy clothes and shoes for my daughter because she has either grown out of them or what she has is not appropriate for the weather.When I say anything to her Mother about this....she always responds by saying she cannot afford to buy her these things.Don't get me wrong,she is a great mother and not a bad person,however she does not manage money very well (a contributory factor in our breakup).Two years ago she rang me in tears to say she had no money for the rent and they would be chucked out and become homeless.I transferred £1000 pounds to her account as a gift.Since this time her partner has moved in with her and my ex partner continues to earn £30,000 pa.
Recently whilst on holiday with my daughter she also described the money I send each month as not especially for her but for her contribution to the rent,food,electricity and telephone every month!
I want to say to my ex partner to take the money for bus fares out of the money I already give.
I would welcome any comments.
Thanks
If you are paying the amount the CSA calculate, then that covers all expenses - household, food, school - everything. You are not obliged to give her anything on top at all. If it's a private agreement, then it's up to you, in which case she can go to the CSA who will apply the standard calculation.
I'd be inclined to tell her to take it out of the 1000 gift !
Thanks for your helpful response.The CSA were not involved...altho I used their calculator...it was an agreement between me and her.
Its helpful to know that my monthly payment covers household, food and school expenses.Im just dreading the conversation and possible fallout.As I said before, my ex partner has significant debt and always uses this when she wants more money.I do see her situation as a lifestyle choice which has nothing to do with me.
Throughout I have tried to be reasonable and fair.
Hello Crumb200
Thank you for your post. I am William, the Child Maintenance Options consultant.
You said that you and your ex-partner made an agreement about child maintenance between yourselves. We call this a family-based arrangement and this can be a regular payment or include other kinds of support such as buying clothing or shoes for your daughter. A family-based arrangement is not legally enforceable but it is flexible so you and your ex-partner can agree whether your daughter's bus fares will be covered by the maintenance that you pay.
If you wish to use the guidelines of the Child Support Agency (CSA), child maintenance is a contribution towards the cost of bringing up your daughter and this includes not only such items as food and clothing but also it is a contribution towards the home that she lives in and the associated costs of running that home. As child maintenance is paid to your ex-partner, she would determine your daughter's needs and under the law currently drafted, the CSA would not intervene in this matter. You would only be legally responsible to pay the amount that the CSA calculate, any extra payments that you pay would be paid at your own discretion.
To help you to maintain your family-based arrangement, we have got a child maintenance calculator and a number of guides that you may find useful. We have a family-based arrangement form that is not a legally enforceable document but may put your agreement on a more formal basis. You can complete this together with your ex-partner and sign your names to show your commitment to your arrangement. We also have a discussion guide available to download from our website which can help you to plan your discussion with your ex-partner. If you feel any of our guides will help you, they are easy to print from our website at http://www.cmoptions.org.
We have a sorting out separation web-app that you may find useful, it offers help and support to separated families. You can find this at http://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation.
If you would like to talk to our team in complete confidence about child maintenance you could give us a ring on 0800 988 0988. We also have some other useful tools on our website to help support separated parents.