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Hi all,
I've not been allowed to see my son for 2 years now, there is no legal order in place saying so, it is purely my ex wife doing everything she possible can to stop me from seeing him,
It's been through the solicitor stage, she was offered mediation which she refused unless I agreed to incur all legal costs involved, my solicitor laughed, firstly because mediation is supposed to be 5050 and also because of every false allegation she's made previously,
It now needs to go to court but covid hit and now I've been working between 75 to 80hrs, 7 days a week, for the last 12 months to try and get back on track financially in order to get it back to court,
I had forgot to change my details with csa mainly because my ex set up the online side and refused to give me the login details so I've always only went with what the letter tells me to pay,
I did send my ex wife an email, the only way I could think of for her to get notification of my new address,
Anyway as I hadn't paid the correct amount on the first month, my ex immediately contacted csa and they placed a DEO on my wages, so this month my ex was in fact paid twice as I also had a direct debit in place for the last 4 years,
I've been unable to get through to csa as of yet, well apart from once and was told I'd need to wait on the phone for 2hrs for a case worker, impossible when I'm at work,
So basically because I'm working every hour under the sun in order to start court proceedings to get my access to my boy back, my payments have gone up from 254pcm to 530pcm
It's just seems very unfair that my ex wife is paying a solicitor to make things as difficult as possible to hold up proceedings and then force it to court and stop me from seeing my son and then the government says I now need to pay her to do so, I'd actually be as well leaving my employment,
Does anyone know anything I could say to them when I finally get through?
It just seems incredibly unfair that I'm being forced to pay my ex wife to keep my son off me.
There is nothing you can do regarding the CMS payments. If you earn more, you pay more. I would recommend to stop working extra time and use that time you free to prepare to represent yourself (it is called Litigant in Person). There are very useful guides at https://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/how-apply-child-arrangements-order-without-lawyer. In the same guides, there are links they recommend when to use a solicitor for quick checks. I have represented myself in a series of hearings and I have used a solicitor that I found through the guide only when I need help (solicitors call this type of service unbundled). She is brilliant!. My ex is represented by legal aid solicitors and barristers and they are terrible. I think I know more than them now :). I don't know if I am going to win as the system is biased but I am sure that using a solicitor or barrister wouldn't make any difference and I will be broke by now. Also, ask here. Many people have gone through the same and we are happy to help.
Hope it helps,
Bit late to the party here. But my advice after suffering financially for the past 19 years due to a similar 2 faced ex partner, would be to quit your job and move abroad to work. You are not responsible for the child if you are out of the UK. Or if you can't leave the UK then consider quitting work and signing on the dole.. payments are only £8.40 max a week then 🤣😂
And also.. if you DO wish to continue paying and want parental responsibility then the CMS HAVE to make this happen.. (unless she has a court order out on you) so just take a day off and spend 2 hours on the phone and make it happen 👍
You do not need a solicitor to make an application for contact with your son. You need to complete a C100 form which you find on the .gov.uk website. You will have to try to have mediation first and you can find a mediator near her house by looking on the website: thefma.co.uk - its the Family Mediators Association. If she refuses they will give you a certificate to send with your C100 application. There will be a cost for the mediator and for submitting the form but its a lot cheaper than using a solicitor. There is a guide to apply for child arrangements order without a lawyer and a guide on going to court when the other side has a lawyer and you don't on the advicenow.org.uk website.
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