[Solved] advice on rules and other info?

Hi, I've come on here as the partner of a guy who is being chased by CSA and was wondering if anyone had any advice, information etc (hope you don't mind me being female... the female sites are all about how to rip your ex off 🙁 his english spelling is no good, so he's asked me to ask instead)

I'll tell you a little about us both..

I've got 4 kids... age 23,16,13 and 12. My eldest sons dad always cheated on me and we split when he was 5.

He never paid anything until son was 14. He had continued the business we had started together, was registered for VAT on said company, yet was ordered to only pay £12 pw!!!.
I was on benefits for a few months during this two years (though have mainly always worked full time) and seem to remember that these payments were taken into account for means tested benefit. He stopped paying when son was 16 as he said he didn't need to pay anymore and CSA said there was nothing they could do.

My other 3 kids were with my ex husband. He turned to drink, drugs and was a wife beater. After a few years, social services said I had to choose between my husband and kids.
Because of the DV, I was advised not to pursue any CSA and as ex has since been on permanent benefits, it seems that there would be a lot of effort for nothing anyway. So, I have been left for the best part of 23 years, raising 4 kids on my own, by my own blood, sweat, tears and wages, without much help except tax credits. CSA have always said there is nothing they can do to help and there is no point.

I am now with a partner who has a 5 year old daughter. His ex is very vindictive with a real attitude. She is the type that will scream abuse at people in the street for just looking at her. He had enough the day she yet again, kicked him out at 2am... this time with no coat or stuff, money etc and it was 2ft deep snow.

She said if he found another girlfriend, she would make his life [censored], refuse access and try to get him deported (he is now British, but was asylum seeker). She would also send him texts demanding money and at the time, he regularly gave her £50 2 or 3 times a week and take cigarettes to her when demanded.

I met him a few months after they split and she stopped him from seeing little'un as soon as she found out about me. i advised him to go to court for access. When at court, she had her friends abuse him verbally and told the courts he was DV, a druggie, alcoholic, that he lied on his application for asylum and she fears he would steal child to his home country! Although he is none of these (to my knowledge... at least has no signs of any of them in last 3 years) the court demanded he took various tests and looked into his home office application, trying to get him to say he had lied about things. She had refused mediation point blank. After a year, he gave up trying to get a say in proceedings. Immediately, she then started phoning him, demanding he paid her money but took it to her home in person. He refused as he knew she would either have someone waiting to harm him or would call the police claiming he was trying to physically harm her.

We wrote a letter to her solicitor explaining he only wanted to see daughter, would rather in a controlled environment and was willing to pay via CSA. Her solicitor wrote a vindictive letter back, slating our relationship, called me an unfit mother (I'm not at all) and say he had said he would rather be gay than be with me! (he said no such thing as I was there when she had called him.)

So, he hasn't seen his daughter now since she was 2.5 years, yet she has made sure he has seen pictures of his daughter cuddled up to her next man... and the one after... and the one after! She accosts his mates in her home town and tries to slander him all the time.

CSA has now got in contact. They have an attachment of earnings order in place, wanting £50.05 per week. they claim he did not answer his phone. he had to change number due to her abuse, but wasn't aware of them trying to contact. No letters were received until this order.

he earns £249 take home, I am not working at present and we are supporting 3 of my kids. We get a small bit of housing benefit but are really struggling... yet she is entitled to stay at home on benefits (she has never worked and is now 32yrs). It seems that she is entitled to this money on top of full benefit entitlement... ie... pocket money!

The long and short of it is... is this the norm?

He has been offered another shift, where his hours go down but hourly rate goes up. He will get another £70pw gross earnings. This will then stop our entitlement to the small bit of housing benefit, but her money will go up. I have calculated that due to this, he will still only be taking home £250pw but we will then lose the £32pw housing benefit we are entitled to and the £20 pw council tax benefit.

Now I have read that new rules will mean he will have to pay to PAY her, as guaranteed she will not arrange payment direct in case she might get less than the rate she should get (probably will demand even more)

This has left me feeling that I was left to pay for my children, yet am being forced to pay to bring up someone elses! It's making me feel that soon, we will have no choice but to separate and she wins every which way.

Apart from spilling our tale of woe, and seeminly everyone also has the same heartbreak stories, is there any advice anyone may be able to give us on this?

Thanks