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Hi all, new here.
My ex lives in Glasgow with our daughter who is just turning 4 years old, whilst i live in the north of Scotland. Currently she is receiving £550 ish per month, my ex ideally wants me to go down every 2nd weekend and stay over the weekend so I can see my daughter. No mention of her coming up at all, when I mentioned that my daughter could be picked up for a weekend visit this was thoroughly poo pooed!! I basically can't afford to travel down to see her as this would cost me basically 3 tanks of fuel (£210) and 6 nights accommodation (roughly £300), followed by feeding both of us and money for entertainments. All in all it would come in at way over £1000 a month if she gets her way. I know it sounds as though I'm whingeing about money but i have to be practical as i have a new partner and pseudo step daughter and i also have to support them. My ex is all smiles to everybody but behind the scenes I'm doing battle with not just her, but her family as well who seem to be giving her lots of "advice" including contacting my parents (I'm 48 by the way) and they are in their 70's and really don't need the hassle. It basically gets down to the fact that my ex wants the moon on a stick (and usually gets it!!), I've read a few of the horror stories on here and my circumstances pale into insignificance compared to them but I'm getting to the end of my tether and just want to get to see my daughter without having all the conditions. The most recent condition is to have 1 monthly visits (x3) to reacquaint my daughter and myself (we haven't seen each other for nearly a year), but these visits are to be monitored and chaperoned by my ex and maybe the health visitor. Is this considered normal?? Any advice and tips would be appreciated.
Hi There,
I'm guessing you live a long way from them, and I have to say I couldn't afford £1000 a month, Has it been discussed before meeting half way? I know you say contact has to be there with your ex, due to it being a while since you saw your daughter and I can understand this point of view from your ex, as your daughter will be weary of you not having seen you for so long,
What happened to stop contact?
If you were able to get to the point of your daughter coming away from her mother with you, I would look into the cost of flights, if booked far enough ahead, they could work out cheaper across a month than fuel alone.
GTTS
Discussion with her is pretty pointless to be frank!
As i alluded to before what she wants she normally gets. Doesn't matter on the materiel of the conversation she always manages to steer any situation into what she wants.
Contact was lost as i was working offshore at the time and didn't know from one day to the next when and where i was going. Thankfully no more! Also i hate speaking or dealing with her face to face as she always manages to put conditions in place, the last time i was down she wouldn't allow me to have my daughter on my own as she was allegedly still potty training and this required her mother's presence at all times to ensure that all went well. Ergo we all went round Glasgow for a wonderful family weekend. Most of the time in stony silence, very uncomfortable for all concerned.
Flights not available from where i live to Glasgow either which is a bit of a [censored].
I'm starting to feel that she is like the character from the Lord of the Rings saying "you cant have her, she's my precious"!!!! Everything i suggest just gets batted back at me with rather flimsy excuses like "oh you wont know how to do this or that", how the [censored] will i learn if not given the chance to!!!
She also knows about my new partner (spies in the town i live in) and wont let my daughter out of her sight if she know that my partner will be down with me at any point. She offered at one point to bring my daughter up, on the pretext of visiting friends. But really all she wants to do is use her as a bargaining tool and generally stick her nose into my new life.
I'm afraid there are limits as to what you can do as no court will make your ex travel half way to meet you, nor will they expect her to meet any of the cost (a small element of this is taken into account in the maintenance calculations, but it doesn't amount to much).
Have you considered seeing her just once a month, but for slightly longer - that would halve your fuel costs (so £105) and you'd need maybe 4 nights in a hotel (£200) - so £300 plus entertainment - that's quite a saving and your seeing her for maybe 3 days a month instead 4 days, and you could try for longer for a couple of times a year. If you can set up skype or facetime for the periods between, it might not be so bad and it will mean that you can make the time you have with her more special, and also have more time and energy for your new partner.
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