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Hi, my ex told me she the nursery fees are £200 a month where as I have found out due to her getting tax credits the amount due is £28, I have been transferring £100 to her bank labeled nursery fees everyone month, she's deliberately deceiving me when I already pay child maintenance as a separate bank transfer each month (another £150) Can I do anything about this? I only earn 16k a year. I also saw a childhood disregard form stating she receives no help from any sources towards nursery fees. I have a phone call recorded where she clearly says the amount of help toward nursery is the correct amount but the amount she told me the fees were, were in fact a total lie. I feel very upset about this as I am a good father and am always there and even moved location to be near her. If I confronted her she would certainly pull access even though we both have parental responsibility, I've already missed a month of her life like this and she's only 9 months old. I have had constant threats off her father, he bangs on my front door if I don't hear his my ex ringing my phone after only spoken an hour or so before. He Rings me up for example the other day I hadn't replied to a text within 6 minutes. I constantly hear, do you want to lose your daughter because you're going the right way about it. I have now seen a solicitor and are getting a consent/contact order put in my place, this is around 4 weeks away from being legalised by a judge but I do feel bullied into this as I have to sign over residency in order for her to sign to say i can collect her from nursery and have her one night a week, I would love her full time or joint but I don't have the money for mediation, court and certainly couldn't go all that time without seeing my baby, the order and court fees are all at my expense, not that I have a choice. We have agreed a rota, I pick her up after nursery 3 times one week and twice the next so she can work, she then collects her from mine and goes home. I have one over night stay a week, the first one ever was last week and we have been split up 7 months. The last 7 months of my life have been so hurtful, I stay up late at night researching ways to come to a peaceful conclusion as I want our daughter to be happy and as unaffected as possible. I've been falsely accused of battery and of course released no charge, had access stopped as she says she is punishing me, she has taken everything I spent thousands on our daughter, abuses my mother, she's often in tears and very afraid of her family. I will never ever give up and I would never dream of stopping access if the roles were reversed, she deserves a mother and a father. I guess I just don't know where to turn with this. I'm on the brink of eviction at my flat as i spend all my wages paying for our daughter and legal fees. Any advice would be amazing, thank you everybody.
Hi there
The amount of CSA you pay is determined by a percentage of your gross income and you do not have to pay anything over and above this amount. Here's a link to the CSA calculator, this will give you a rough estimate of the amount you should pay
www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance
I'm don't know enough about tax credits and claiming for nursery fees to advise you, but you could give the DEP a call and ask them to clarify this., the CAB would also be able to give you fairer information about this.
Having your child 3 and 2 times a week and an overnight once a week would be considered quite a reasonable amount for a child of your daughters age... You only have to read through some of the posts from other members to see that many struggle to get such regular contact.
As far as her fathers behaviour is concerned, this is unacceptable and I would certainly ask your solicitor to address this as part of the proceedings. The arrangements you make should be a matter for you and the mother. If your mother is frightened and is being bullied to abuse I would also think about reporting him to the police for harrassment tor an injunction.
Many dads here have chosen to self represent, its very doeanle and if the burden of cost becomes too much you might like to consider this option. We can help and support you through the court process if you decide to go for it yourself.
Good luck
Many thanks for taking the time to reply. Great advice. I am happy with the amount of access as many father's have it so much worse. The only thing that upsets this access is her stopping access with sometimes as little as 30 minutes notice and having no say in the matter but on the very positive side the court order will take care of that problem.
Thanks again
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