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Hello!
After some opinions if people would be so kind. I am 29 year old father of one. Split from my son's mother last December. We never put a custody agreement in place but rather just agreed that as I am and have always been our son's primary care giver that he would live with me after we split up. My ex partner is 35 and has 2 teenage son's from a previous relationship. We both could only afford 2 bed properties after selling the house and due to my work being monday to friday and my son currently attending nursery at my work, plus my ex does not drive and I do.
She currently has our son every Wednesday and every other weekend when she is not working. Now once you have all got over the shock that a mother chose not to have her toddler live with her and spend what I think most would agree is not a lot of time with her son this for me has always been the norm.
Now I don't claim any child maintenance from his mother and as many of my female friends have said I should as if it was the other way around I have no doubt I would be paying her a few hundred in maintenance. The reason I haven't is because 1. I can afford to pay for all of my son's needs without the money 2. I just don't see the point of winding my ex up and possibly having to go down the custody route.
My mum asked me the other day if i thought my ex would ever want to go down the custody route. Now given we have been separated for a year and she has never asked to have our son any extra days/nights and I have on occasion offered if I have known when she has had holiday as she always goes out with friends I don't for one minute think she will challenge me for custody.
Personally it appears to me that being 7 years older I don't honestly think she wanted to have another child at this age but we were in love at the time and blah blah blah plus she has thyroid issues, depression and generally struggles with our son as he is very high maintenance.
Just asking for opinions on my very odd situation? anyone have similar experience
Hi There,
The way it stands it looks as though things would stay as they are and there doesn't seem to be any reason that she would suddenly change the way things are.
If you wanted to protect yourself, you could apply for a residency order through family courts, the fact that your son has been living with you since December, would go in your favour as it is all set up and settled so a judge wouldn't normally look at disrupting what is already in place especially as it is working well.
It would be your call whether to go the official route or not, only you know your ex and how she may act as things move on down the line.
GTTS
Hello pacificrim01
Child maintenance and contact are two separate issues, therefore, they are not linked in law. Despite this, all parents have a financial responsibility to support their children.
There are various ways child maintenance can be arranged, and many parents choose to set up an agreement between themselves, which is known as a family-based arrangement. This type of agreement is not legally binding, however, it is flexible and can be tailored to suit yours and your son’s mother’s circumstances. This type of agreement is also free to put in place, and it can be amended quickly if circumstances were to change in the future.
There is a range of supporting tools and guides on the Child Maintenance Options website that may help you to set up a family-based arrangement. The link is https://www.cmoptions.org/en/toolbox/index.asp.
If you find you are not able to set up a family-based arrangement, you may wish to consider making an application to the Child Maintenance Service. They are the Government’s statutory maintenance service and can either calculate your child maintenance, then leave you and your son’s mother to arrange payments between yourselves (known as Direct Pay), or they can collect payments and pass them on for you (known as Collect and Pay).
If you decide to ask the Child Maintenance Service to arrange your child maintenance for you in the future, your son’s mother’s responsibility to pay will start from around the point that she is contacted by them, not from when you first make your application.
For a more personalised response, and further information on the fees and charges involved when using the Child Maintenance Service, you may wish to contact Child Maintenance Options directly at http://www.cmoptions.org.
The Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) have a website, 'Sorting out Separation'. It aims to make it much easier for separating and separated parents (and childless couples) to find the support they need, when and where they need it, and encourages them to collaborate on a range of issues. The link is https://www.sortingoutseparation.org.uk/.
Regards
William
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