[Solved] 50:50 Equal Shared Care. CMS don’t care.

We have had Dads that have been successful but equally we’ve had some that haven’t. Have you referred to their 2012 Regulations on special cases? It does actually Tate that child benefit shouldn’t be used as a measure in these circumstances.

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2012/2677/pdfs/uksi_20122677_301114_en.pdf

All I can suggest is that you go se you MP armed with the current legislation and ask for their assistance.

Best of luck

We have had Dads that have been successful but equally we’ve had some that haven’t. Have you referred to their 2012 Regulations on special cases? It does actually Tate that child benefit shouldn’t be used as a measure in these circumstances.

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2012/2677/pdfs/uksi_20122677_301114_en.pdf

All I can suggest is that you go se you MP armed with the current legislation and ask for their assistance.

Best of luck

Thank you, I have quoted special cases clause 50, and read it to them
on the phone and sent by letter, no luck.

Firstly what I will do tomorrow is phone Child Benefits in the morning and inform them of the 50/50 shared care arrangement and my issue with CMS payments, probably won’t help.

Then will phone CMS and then send another letter to CMS saying they are breaching regulations, and child benefits has nothing to do with it.

CMS... what a pain!

Have a read of this thread, first page.

https://www.dad.info/forum/child-maintenance/36289-shared-custody-50-50

It might give you the encouragement to keep at it!

Have a read of this thread, first page.

https://www.dad.info/forum/child-maintenance/36289-shared-custody-50-50

It might give you the encouragement to keep at it!

Phoned Child Benefits this morning. They stated only one parent can receive child maintenance.

Phone CMS back, they said Child Benefits are liars and I can get my name registered.

CMS confirmed the only reason why the case remains open is due to Child Benefits.

CMS also said on the phone they don’t care what the law is, they will use Child Benefits to determine the case and will challenge it in the High Courts.

Unbelievable.

I think it would be better to conduct all communication with the CMS in writing from this point, I’m pretty sure that saying they don’t care what the law is, is absolutely wrong and there should be repercussions for that person... But proving they said it is pretty impossible.

Have you spoken to your MP? Did you read that thread I provided a link to... some interesting comments there. Perhaps you could quote Steve Webb MP

Check out a new members post from earlier today, he doesn’t have to pay because they accepted his court order. His username is Mieks.

I think it would be better to conduct all communication with the CMS in writing from this point, I’m pretty sure that saying they don’t care what the law is, is absolutely wrong and there should be repercussions for that person... But proving they said it is pretty impossible.

Have you spoken to your MP? Did you read that thread I provided a link to... some interesting comments there. Perhaps you could quote Steve Webb MP

Check out a new members post from earlier today, he doesn’t have to pay because they accepted his court order. His username is Mieks.

Thank you will look into this in more detail and will now revert to written comms only with CMS

Hi Guys

First time on this site but I really feel your worry and pain. By writing this I really hope I can help any guy that has gone through what I have and thousands before me!

Together for 18yrs (married for 13yrs)
2 kids (boy & girl)
House (mortgage) she dealt with all the bills (control freak)

She wanted the Lions Share and leave me with nothing. Yes its hard to believe that the women you have spent years with could do this but I will give you one word.

Narcissist - study it and it might just save you.

I contacted the CMS, 3 times because of her demands for Child Maintenance.

Despite her best attempts and the mud throwing at me through Mediation, I managed to negotiate a fair rota for the children on a 50/50 basis. This includes school holidays as my work is flexable.

This rota has to be strict because of the Narcissist I am dealing with.

Each time they have told me that the CMS standard calculator on their site CANNOT factor in 50/50 shared care. (ring them instead)

All 3 times they have asked me to download their guide, on page 52 and directed me to this section.

This is only based on the number of nights a child stays with the paying parent and assumes that the receiving parent still carries out most of the day-to-day care. If the paying parent can prove that they carry out an equal amount of day-to-day care as well as having equal shared care then the Child Maintenance Service regards neither parent to be the paying parent so their child maintenance would be set as nil – even if one parent receives child benefits or tax credits as the child’s parent. Where there is equal day to day care, and there is no paying parent means that there cannot be a statutory case and the Child maintenance Service would not being able to process the application as there is no identifiable paying parent.

I now receive Child Benefit for my daughter and I had to use my Solicitor on this because she was having none of it, but guys you have to act fast at the early stages of the split. They made this decision because they thought it was fair. So Stand strong guys it can happen.

She thought that the family home would be hers, child benefit hers, child maintenance her, basically everything hers and me left with nothing.

Wrong guys, we have as much right now but you need to stop listening to what they are telling you and do your own homework instead and stand strong.

But because of my position regarding the other being a Narcissist this isn't over, because all she has left now is the children. The control is sliding away from her. She hates that she can't made any decision without my consent, but she does try and use her manipulation tactics but they don't work anymore on me.

She will at some point in the next 12 months, contact the CMS and try and raise a claim against me in an attempt to continue to disrupt my life because its drama and a Narcissist has to feed off this kind of thing for supply.

I am prepared because I know my rights and know where I stand. I have every receipt boxed that I have paid for my children this includes:

School (half payments)
Uniform, shoes etc
Clothes at my house
Trips away

Basically anything you spend on the children you need to file.

If this only helps one person then it has been worth my time writing this.

I wish you the best of luck guys.

Thanks Lando, hearing of others success in this can only help spur on our members that are still struggling.

Would it be possible for you to provide a link to the guide that they asked you to download? It’s always a good idea to use their own guidelines to back up a claim.

Thanks and well done for keeping on top of your own situation, long may it continue.

@lando-calrissian 
I am struggling to communicate with CMS as well, I am providing day-to-day care to my 3 yo son. My ex has equal time with him but hourly she is about 60% less with him due to free 30 hours nursery from government, her partner stays with him unofficially all day Tues. It is so hard for me, English isn't my first language and that stopped me for a while. But thanks to you I know (more or less) what to do. Or where to start from. 
Please could you tell me how did you prove your day2day care to CMS? I am with my boy since Fri Sat Sun Mon. Every other week since Thursday. 
It should be easier due to two maternity neglect reports by two different GP's, but it is not! Child Benefit is still hers, I am trying to challenge that with copy of GP medical record. But yes I agree, I had the same explanation from CMS, "she has got CH Benefit so she's a main career" Rubbish!

@dertian

My [censored] journey all stated when I took her to Mediation.

Everything is documented by them. This is very important for evidence to prove what you are saying.

My situation was, married, shared bank account, mortgage and two kids.

Each of these had to be sorted out one by one.

Let me tell you what I know now but I didn't know then when this happened, the girl I was been with since 2000 was a covert Narcissist.

She thought she had broken me down to the point where she could just take the lot off me.

Her plan was to take the family home, me pay her maintenance, her keep the car, me pay towards the mortgage still and her control me by dictating when I will be seeing my own kids because she is a total control freak.

She thought I would pack up and go back to my parents absolutely miles away or I will be stuck in a 1 bedroom bedsit room with no option to have my kids over night. 

The last bit is very important on two fronts. 

1 - You love your kids and want to be involved as much as possible in there upbringing.

2 - This is where NPD people like Narcissist cannot compute. When you have 50/50 equal shared care of your children there is No child maintenance to pay from either parent.

But they don't see this at all because they feel Entitled to EVERYTHING. But they are not.

I spent 2 1/2 years with this ** through solicitors with her jumping up and down trying to get what she felt she was entitled to and in the end it was a 50/50 settlement on everything including Child Benefit and you guessed it she wasn't happy about that either. 

Tough * love, they are my kids too, which I love and want them to have at least 1/2 a normal ground life with me not under constant manipulation from your narcissistic evil control. 

CMS go on the number on nights NOT daycare. Don't listen to what your ex is telling you as it will be all lies to keep you off the right track you should be on. 

I have a strict 50/50 Rota that was presented by me during Mediation and she was not happy about this at all.

You have to ask yourself, why would a mother behave like this if the other parent is a fun loving father.

Stick to what you believe in pal and stick to you guns. Calm and armed with the right information from legal professionals not your ex.

Five years on and I moved out of me rented house after 12 months and into my own house with a mortgage. Me and the kids have a fantastic relationship and my new partner have been living together here for past 2 years.

I really hope this post helps you in some way pal and wish you all the best. 

I had to play the long game and it worked for me. 

Good luck. 

@dertian do you have a court order in place? should help when dealing with CMS. there is a useful group on facebook that can help you, its for paying parents: https://www.facebook.com/groups/239699060076601

make sure to answer their registration questions when joining.