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Hello, first time poster.
Long story short, i am recently divorced with 2 sons aged 11 and 12. I currently have the boys every wed and a long weekend every 2 week so on average 2.5 days a week.
I make voluntary payments of £650 a month to my ex as we didn't include child maintenance in our consent order. This amount is based on the government calculator.
My ex is on benefits and living in a shared ownership house, which she purchased 50% of using the equity from the sale of our home. (So no mortgage) She pays approx £600 in rent but receives £1600 in benefits plus my money, plus cash in hand from a thriving cake business. I still buy the boys clothes, school uniform etc when they ask.
Once my youngest starts secondary school in Sep I have requested 50% shared care, the boys school is closer to my house than her's and they can catch a bus back to mine. I currently am home working and that will continue, even if only on the days I have the boys.
I am aware that if we do agree to a 50% shared care arrangement I do not have to give her any maintenance. I think this is fairly unfair and would be willing to either put a certain % of my take home into an account for the boys if she does the same or just pay her a reduced rate than the £650 I give her now.
Has anyone gone through this process and have any suggestions ? I think she will reject my request for shared care due to her worry about missing out financially rather than thinking what's best for the boys. We managed to avoid solicitors during the divorce other than a couple of free consultations and I would like to do the same here.
The relationship with my ex is up and down, which considering it was an affair on her side that caused the divorce I think is understandable.
Any advice welcome !! Thanks
Hi,
I would suggest you do your best to keep things amicable with ex. If you involve Child maintenance service, then they will likely cause more problems. You don't have a court order, so they will decide that the parent that gets child benefit is the primary/full-time carer. Also you would need to pay more maintenance each time your income goes up by pay rises, bonuses and over-time.
One way is you only pay for costs associated with your kids when they are under your care, and ex does the same when they are under their care. If you want to pay additional money to your ex then that's up to you.
Hi,
in my view there is a lot of confusion about 'shared care'. I have posted my understanding here which I believe to be correct :-
https://www.dad.info/forum/postid/106862/
I have Shared Care band 'Equal' in respect of my son, however I still pay my ex- maintenance for him. That is because whilst I have him stay overnight half the time (and get the 'Shared Care' discount because of that), my ex- still has day-to-day care responsibilities such as clothing, school expenses and whatever else.
Hi,
I would intend to pay for clothing, expenses and whatever else is needed plus sort dentists, doctors appts etc so I believe I wouldn't have to pay any CM. I also think its rather unfair so would probably offer to give me ex some CM anyway. This is all without CMS being involved of course, which they aren't at the moment.
She has replied to my request for shared care with a simple No its not what the kids want, which is the direct opposite of what they told me. I fully get they may well be telling us different things to spare our feelings so i have suggested family meditation.
I also had some legal advice which suggested i would have a good case for 50% care if I decided to go that route.
It sounds to me that the issue on which you disagree is not one of who pays what but of access / residency. The CMS only arbitrate the issue of child maintenance payments not of access (if I understand correctly).
Others on here may be able to advise how to sort out disagreements over access. Once that is agreed, then CMS can arbitrate the issue of maintenance payments (and of course the paying parent is still able to make payments at their discretion over and above what the CMS say).
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