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I've been paying my son's Mum maintenance as part of a family based agreement for 12 years (Our son is now coming up to 15), based on the CSA calculator. I've always had our son nearly half the time and also contributed to his other requirements like school bus fees and trips etc
So to cut a longish story short in the last 3 weeks I proposed I have our son every Monday instead of every other which would then make our day to day care 50/50 (This is now in place, so our son's day to day care is now shared equally (Same days and nights amount)). I then proposed the monthly payments to her stop and be replaced with a new amount based solely on our son's requirements, so school bus, uniform, extra curricular lessons etc and not the CSA calculated amount.
My son's Mum was not particularly enthused by this because I am in a high earning job so she stands to lose a fair chunk of money a month and according to her is "seeking advice before making a decision".
I really cannot see why there would be any system in place that could make one parent pay the other parent maintenance if both sets of parents had equal child care. It just seems ludicrous to me. Just wondering if anyone else has been through similar?
It's difficult to prove exactly 50/50 shared care - if you can then the CMS work on that basis, but if there's any dispute, and therefore doubt, then if she opens a case with CMS, they will enforce their calculation with a 1/7th reduction for each 52 nights spend with you, so it would be a maximum of 3/7ths reduction. I suppose you have little to lose by trying, unless she then cuts contact down for financial reasons.
I think the disparity for 50/50 day to day care will be the school holidays because my son's Mum is a teacher, therefore his time off is her time off so she will have him on these days until I pick him up, which I hadn't thought about initially.
I have a feeling she will contest any change to our current arrangement with regard to payment because a. It'll be considerable amount of monthly income she stands to lose b. She's been receiving it for 12 years so it's part of their household income (She has remarried and has had 2 more children)
I don't think she would attempt to reduce the time our son spends with me for financial gain, this is largely because my son would not be happy about it and as much as I have always shielded our son from any ill will I may have towards his mother I would be completely honest with him about this particular subject and he's old enough now to understand the politics.
I feel the current agreement is rather one sided and I would like it to change accordingly (At least an agreement more in line with our level of care). It's just a case now whether she will be willing to agree to different FBA based more on our son's actual costs rather than some arbitrary figure based on my salary.
Hello happyismoho
In cases of equal care - where both day-to-day care and overnight care of a child is shared equally and not just where both parents have the same amount of overnight contact - there is no statutory requirement for child maintenance to be paid. However, equal care can be a solid foundation for a family-based arrangement and these types of arrangements do not only have to be about money. If you and your son’s mother agree, your arrangement can include your contributions toward school bus fees, trips, uniform and extracurricular lessons etc.
Child Maintenance Options have some tools on their website at http://www.cmoptions.org which could help you and your son’s mother renegotiate the terms of your family-based arrangement. Their Talking about money guide and Discussion guide may be of use to you, as they can help you plan your negotiation, as well as help you consider what you would like to include in your new arrangement.
For information on the different ways to set up child maintenance and for a more personalised service, you can visit the Child Maintenance Options website.
The DWP have a sorting out separation website that you may find useful. It offers help and support to separating and separated families. The link is: https://www.sortingoutseparation.org.uk/.
Regards
William
Thanks William, I have used the information on the cmoptions website to formulate a new FBA which more than covers our son's costs. I have sent the proposal breakdown to my son's mother but I have yet to hear anything back from her.
As mentioned before the main issue is for 12 years now she has had a set amount based around the CSA calculation which with my wage means a substantial monthly income for her, even with me having our son over 175 nights a year. The new proposal amount which covers our son's costs nearly cuts this amount in half so she is reluctant to accept it.
The proposal is very reasonable but we shall see if she accepts it or not.
Thankfully after a few messages back and fourth we managed to agree on a new amount based on our son's actual costs.
It's taken a long time and a fair amount of stress but now the new agreement is in place and signed, after 12 years I finally feel that the agreement between us is fair.
As you pointed out the system is broken and the bias towards the parent with care needs to change and I hope one day that it will. Of course I have been fortunate that my ex wife is relatively reasonable, it could have been a completely different story if she wasn't and my heart goes out to all those with unreasonable ex partners.
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