[Solved] Emotionally battered

You’re not alone. I was accused of various fake allegations it was laughable. Everyone knew it wasn’t true. I also had almost 2 years of [censored]. I finally got shared care of my son and my ex dropped the allegations after seeing who my Counsel was. I felt truly depressed and still do in a way. You feel like the abused.

There is no easy way, but you’re already strong and haven’t given up! Keep in there. You will feel absolutely drained. You will get access to your children - keep that in your mind. : )

Hi,

how old is your son? is it 50/50 shared care you got, and was it easy to achieve? how does it work?

thanks.

My son is now 2 and half. Yes it’s shared care that I have. It took 3-4 court sessions and quite a lot of money - I’m not going to lie. I’m not rich but having savings did help me. She only conceded to the lies after seeing the strong representation that I had. It’s not easy and will take will power - it will test you emotionally, but you need to think about the end, hopefully, positive result. I still don’t feel vindicated however in terms of what she did and feel like she wasn’t really questioned about her motives for lying in such a disgusting way.

Forgot to add about how my particular situation works. Basically it had to work around my work rota. First with me having to handover at a place near to where his mother lives (as she doesn’t drive) after every day I saw him. Then slowly including overnight stays once my son had settled into nursery. Eventually my son will be with me for almost half of the nights a week by early next year. One downside to handovers is having to see the lying face of my ex which is like a constant nightmare. However my son is important and not her.

hi,

thanks for that. do you have direct contact with your ex? i asked my barrister whats it like to get shared care, and he just told me to forget about it. he said me and ex dont like eachother, and we do not have direct contact, so stuff like that will make shared care arrangement very difficult to attain. what do you think?

Not as such. There’s a ‘communication book’ which we have to give to each other at handover letting each other know about food eaten by my son, etc. We had to give each other’s mobile number in case of emergency as well. It also supplements any immediate ‘issues’ after contact (rather her trying to be annoying). Other than that there’s thankfully no other contact. Ideally I’d never like to see my ex’s face ever again as it makes me feel sick. But it’s for my son I’m doing this and I need to deal with it. It’s odd that your Barrister is dismissing shared care as most ex’s would rather not see each other. It’s what is best for the Child and not the parents tbh. Keep the fight up if you csn.

Since our seperation and the bitter court battle that has ensued, I don't think I'll ever start a new relationship...

Best of luck to you, Paul. I will say this though: It took me about the same amount of time (3 years) and I found a women who made me realise that they're not all bitter and twisted! The new relationship didn't work out but it had no bitterness ending. It's a shame that I had kids with such a vile woman previously because I now realise how amazing some women can be.

I feel your pain, Paul. I am having the same done to me. I am due my final hearing in December, I have not seen my two girls for 8 months now, and it has killed me. At the recent second hearing, my wife's solicitor said to me, she does not want you to see the kids again. I was unrepresented and she tried to bully me. I went in there and left with a minor success, the court agreed i can see my children twice a month but at a contact centre until the third hearing in December. it is not the contact I want, but it is better than nothing for the time being. The fact is, I got a chance to say my piece in court, not everything i wanted to, but i beat her. She wanted me to have nothing, but i got something.

I have now got a solicitor for this hearing, as i feel it is going to be needed. She has taken my evidence, and is compiling a bundle which will be handed to the judges before the hearing and prove what my wife has said is lies. It is hard knowing that lies are keeping me from our children, the fact my wife knows how much those girls love me, and that she is keeping them from me, shows what she is really like. I have been to court several times, i have been questioned and released by the police, i have had further lies and allegations thrown at me, but i keep knocking them back. Paul, you have come this far now, do not give up. You can't give up. I know how much it will be hurting you, i have felt it too. I cannot remember a day i did not cry. But I stood my ground and I am fighting for what is right. You will do the same, you will have your chance to submit evidence, and you will get what you deserve. You will get to see your daughter again.

Not as such. There’s a ‘communication book’ which we have to give to each other at handover letting each other know about food eaten by my son, etc. We had to give each other’s mobile number in case of emergency as well. It also supplements any immediate ‘issues’ after contact (rather her trying to be annoying). Other than that there’s thankfully no other contact. Ideally I’d never like to see my ex’s face ever again as it makes me feel sick. But it’s for my son I’m doing this and I need to deal with it. It’s odd that your Barrister is dismissing shared care as most ex’s would rather not see each other. It’s what is best for the Child and not the parents tbh. Keep the fight up if you csn.

so what is your work schedule like. do you do a lot of school runs in the week? in my case ex refused mid-week overnights. cafcass also did not recommend it. so i was stuck and just went with few hours mid-week, every other weekend.

As my son’s only 2 he has 15 hours of nursery a week at the moment, which don’t fall on my days with him. Eventually early next year it will involve at least one day of taking him to nursery/school.

In my case the woman was bad and evil. The whole money issue was just a smoke screen to cover her ego. She was living on a private road had everything no worry but the reality is I could have given her everything on this planet she would not have been happy because she was pure evil. She was a scientist by profession but the profession of someone does not define you as an individual.

As you rightly said there’s a huge strain on the dad emotionally and mentally and no one can understand until they’ve been through it. It’s like being buried alive but the positive part is they will themselves want to be closer to the dad as they grow older as a child never forgets their dad. I haven’t seen my 2 sons for over a year and at first they probably thought dad is probably playing a joke or something but not I’m sure they realise it’s beyond a joke and I know my eldest son definitely cries for me. God always finds a way....

In my case the woman was bad and evil. The whole money issue was just a smoke screen to cover her ego. She was living on a private road had everything no worry but the reality is I could have given her everything on this planet she would not have been happy because she was pure evil. She was a scientist by profession but the profession of someone does not define you as an individual.

As you rightly said there’s a huge strain on the dad emotionally and mentally and no one can understand until they’ve been through it. It’s like being buried alive but the positive part is they will themselves want to be closer to the dad as they grow older as a child never forgets their dad. I haven’t seen my 2 sons for over a year and at first they probably thought dad is probably playing a joke or something but not I’m sure they realise it’s beyond a joke and I know my eldest son definitely cries for me. God always finds a way....

I’m sorry for what you’re going through and can really empathise.

I feel emotional leaving my son at handovers. I can’t even begin to feel what you are having to go through.

Innocent Fathers have no mainstream voice it seems.

Thank you yes it’s the toughest phase of my life however I am hopeful as a dad one can only look on the positive side.....