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Well me and my ex wife split up around 5 yrs ago, i have 2 children my youngest was only just a baby, we kind of split on mutal terms and remained friends, the first 6 month was hard, as moved to other side of the country. I always use to see children every other weekend end one way or another. then things started getting worse as time passes and things that have also happened during past 5 yrs. to start with i use to stop round hers once a month usually crashing on sofa or kids room, then that stopped, she then agreed to meet me 2/3 rd of the Journey which was working well, but then that stopped, then she was meeting me at the services just outside the city she lives and also meet at train station, which kind of help. Then things got worse again and now she wont meet me any where im now doing a 500 mile round trip evedry other weekend to see the kids, costing me a fortune in fuel. The past 6 months have jsut got worse, social services was involved with kids welfare all todo with her and her partner. she tried stopping the kids going on holiday with me, i spent 3 hours driving to fetch them to find she werent going let me have them, but luckily the kids got up set about this, so had no choice to let me have them. She then going on about im not paying enough child maintance, again said i cant have the kids till i gave her the amount she wanted. That when i contacted CMS who did the caculations but didnt consider travel costs, so im now fighting that. Just before christmas she said i cant have the kids, but luckily did get them in the end. I then told her i booked time off in school holidays so i can have the kids, now she saying i cant have them in the school holidays, as i dont tell her when im having the kids, apparently she decides.
During this time she sends me abusive and threatening messages, she also message my girlfriend and made accusations about me which arent true and threats too her, which has put a massive strain on things between me and my girlfriend and i know she doesnt want to get in the middle of it. Also she stop the boys from using there phones so i have no contact with them, during the 2 weeks i dont have them, so i can never speak to them on the phone, she also told CMS i only see them once every 3 weeks so now have to prove that not true.
My self she totally messed with my head, im usually quite laid back person, but with her, my anxiety levels are so high, she just really winds me up i dont get like that with any one else im litterally shaking, i had to have counselling to help and also on anti- depresents to help with my anxiety and sleeping, as she always like to send a threatning text usually the day before i fetch my boys.
On positive side of things i had alot of help from family and friends, the first thing i did was let the school know about situation, so they update me every now and again.
I just started the mediation process so i can now put in a court order, it was last resort really but feel i have no choice, i hope it all plans out ok for me as it be nice not to get threatening texts about when and when i cant see the boys, or i never see them again etc. Hopefully i have legal rights to take them on holiday, have the kids in the school holiday too, maybe to even have them on a christmas or there birthdays, the icing on the cake would be if she has to meet me on route some where as it the travel costs that kill me finacially.
Im hoping for a more positive outcome this year, i guess will see what happens.
My heart goes out to you pal hope things get better soon but does sound like who ever she's with his pulling the strings but if a control freak?
Hi there
From what you’ve said, you’ve tried so hard to work with the mother, but sometimes there’s just no other choice but to ask the court to put an order in place... it’s best for the children to have the security in knowing that they will see regularly. I hope mediation works for you, but if not we will do what we can to support you.
There’s no reason why you shouldn’t ask for full weekends every fortnight, I would also ask for 50/50share of school holidays if your work commitments allow that. As for Christmas and birthdays, it’s usual for those to be shared on alternate years, so it something that the court should consider too.
All the best
with regards to travel costs, definitely push for this. Keep a mileage log and petrol receipts - there is an allowance for travel costs, though the reduction in maintenance isn't a great deal, it's better than nothing.
As someone in a somewhat similar situation, I feel for you on the child maintenance front.
I do 460 miles every other weekend, have for the last 4 years, not a single penny from my ex for fuel costs. She has never met me or helped out in any way. Argued with CSA until the cows come home but all they will do is give me a fiver a week less to pay - even though fuel is £60 every other week! +all the other costs doing an extra 12,000 miles a year.
They state that you 'Can't take into account increased vehicle maintenance, tax, insurance etc.'. But for me that is crippling and equates to about another £1000 a year on top of the fuel.
Good luck anyway.
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