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Morning all,
If you have seen my other threads, you will know that the situation with my ex has now reached stale mate.
She refused to sign the house over, I lost my new mortgage, bank won't consider a new application due to increased debt related to legal costs and I cannot sell the house as no building certificate.
As a result, I became ill and took 2 months off work dealing with stress and depression. I am now back on a phased return part time and I am taking steps in the right direction.
I have continued to make the child maintenance payment to my ex on the basis of the verbal agreement we had. Even though she did not stick to the verbal agreement of transferring the house with a payment of her share of the equity.
I have taken steps to stop my own legal representation as I cannot afford it and we are now in a situation whereby nothing can happen. Yesterday a letter went to her solicitors advising them of this and also requesting that she contributes towards the mortgage, mortgage protection, and buildings insurance. Also 50% contribution to the children's mobile phone contacts.
I spoke to HMRC aswell as we have an outstanding debt to the tune of Β£5k which relates to a massive overpayment of tax credit and working families tax credit from years ago. As this is in joint name, I have explained the situation and they have split the debt so will be writing to my ex to arrange recovery of her half.
I felt good yesterday in doing this and then last night when I picked my children up she was so nice to me. My Dad is going in for major surgery tomorrow and she is aware of that from the children and was asking about that etc.
I drove away feeling so [censored] guilty about what I had done and I don't really know why. As a result of her deciding to leave me and fight things out with solicitors, I am completely consumed by debt and struggling to make ends meet.
Everyone tells me I need to toughen up and start to fight back and I know they are right but I have never been a nasty person nor do I want to be. I just really miss being in that family unit I guess.
Hi
2 years ago I left my ex-wife and we agreed a way forward re kids and house - I moved out and stayed with friends, then Mum, then a new partner and now Mum again! - Its tough
I too also miss daily family life, I miss putting the kids to bed, I miss talking to someone, cuddling and being listened too -
I have agreed to sale our former home less than it is worth and it still cannot be sold due to other issues. Everyday I feel guilty because I feel I cannot be there for my kids like I was. In reality, this was not my fault and it is not yours buddy - It has taken me a long time to accept things for how they are. I have no home but I thankful for being alive, having contact with my kids and receiving those cuddles when I see them.
Over time, I am sure my fortunes will change and they will for you - Keep your chin up, smile and be the best daddy because that is what your kids will see and remember.
Alf
Hi Alf,
Cheers for that mate. Very tough time at the moment and it sounds like you can relate to exactly how I am feeling.
I need to start to like my own company now. The nights when I don't have the kids is just awful. I don't have a big circle of friends and those I do have rendezvous at the local pub. So I find myself necking back pints of carling most evenings with them just for company and to be around positive people. It then really hits me when I get home from the pub. Nobody is there to ask how my evening was.
I never imagined in my wildest dreams that my life would change like this. I love my family, adore my children so much and you are right, the time I spend with them now is very special to me. I will be devastated if she proceeds down the route of forcing the sale of the home. Due to my debt, I will be left with nothing. All these years of paying a mortgage and to end up with nothing at the end of it would be soul destroying.
I am feeling very anxious as I am expecting a response from her solicitor any day now. He is the most dispicable man I have ever had to deal with. He is also a family man yet has showed no compassion to be at all in this process.
I am thinking about joining my local gym in the hope that my negative energy can be thrashed out in there. I am determined to get fit, boost my confidence to feel happier. As well as doing it for me, I wont to prove to her that she has made a big mistake and that she regrets her decision but with the knowledge that I will never take her back under any circumstances.
Use the anger in the right way re gym -
I hate my own company too so can definitely relate
In terms of her solicitor - he is doing his job so do not take it personally - read and digest - come on here and ask for advice before responding. Whilst the court system may seem to fair the mothers more, there is always hope.
Go easy on the carling too - I have decided to learn snowboarding and meet new friends etc to start a new chapter in my life therefore may be something to think about.
defo knock the booze on the head it will make your more depressed thats why you will feel like [censored] when you get home, exercise is your best bet I cant live without it now I don't have many friends and my family are hundreds of miles away, I gave up the weed fags and booze and i feel great now π
How are you paying maintenance? If it's cash, get a receipt every time (don't hand over the cash if she won't sign a receipt) and make sure it clearly says it's for child maintenance. If it's by standing order, again, make sure the reference states very clearly that it's for child maintenance (and nothing else) - it might stop you being stung for arrears down the line.
Cheers guys.
I'm joining the gym this week which will help me to channel my frustration elsewhere.
The child maintenance is by standing order and clearly states the payment as child maintenance so I can demonstrate I have been paying.
I'm guessing she has now seen the content of my final letter sent by my solicitor as when I picked my son up today for football, she was quite shitty with me. At the end of the day, she chose to leave and I am only looking after my own interest now as she is.
Excellent π
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