[Solved] terrable two`s

Hi Tam

I do sympathise. Sounds as if you are going through a tough time at the moment.

These outbursts from your daughter are often called temper tantrums, because of the obvious link with angry feelings that are out of control, but there are other strong emotions your child could be feeling as well such as frustration and not being able to make you understand what she wants. Hunger and tiredness is a trigger and she's more likely to behave badly when she's either of these things. Wanting to be independent and being thwarted either by you or because she simply isn't able to do a task. It may also happen if she's been refused something or wants attention. You may know already that small children love to be the centre of attention, even for negative reasons, so if you've given a lot of attention to previous tantrums, she may try the same thing again.

It helps if you can set a good example and not blow your top, as she is likely to mimic what you do and if you shout - this will encourage her and make it harder for her to control her own strong feelings. Give her lots of praise when she is good and watch for the signs of a tantrum brewing, step in and divert her attention elsewhere if you can.
Look for signs - most children give plenty of warning they're getting cross, so be ready to step in and divert their attention elsewhere, or ignore her behaviour and pretend to take no notice, walk away if you have to. Above all try to stay calm.

You can can Parentline for free on 0808 800 2222, http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk

I hope this will help.

Hi Tamoliver,

I've just read your post & can relate to how challenging it is to have preteens & younger ones as well. I have 3, 12 & 13 year old girls & 5 year old boy. When you have big age gaps it can be really hard to get your head round the different ways to parent younger & older children.

When my older two were younger, I learned, through making lots of mistakes, that the best thing I could do is make sure myself & my husband were consistent in our parenting. My husband was a shift worker & we had to make time to sit down & discuss how the kids were doing & come up with a plan on how we were both going to tackle the issues we faced. It was easy sometimes to give in when they they had a tantrum, for an easy day, but the result was they learnt that bad behavior got them what they wanted. Maintaining consistency was the most helpful tool we felt we had, also rewarding good behavior & overly praising them for obeying etc...

For our older girls now we are realizing how much we are needing to change our parenting methods. We're needing to step back it bit from them, allowing them to have more freedom in making choices. We're aware, from speaking to other parents, that their emotions & drama are just something that girls of this age go through & it doesn't make us bad parents. We've taken our kids on weekly/fortnightly dates since they were 7 & that has helped us keep close to them & encouraged them to open up to us over the years.

It is hard though & the mental stress of dealing with 2 ages of kids is draining at times. I'm always looking for new ideas & bettering what we do.