[Solved] Teenagers in love 2

Hi SM,

By the lack of replies, I think a lot of people are reluctant to wade in on this (and that includes me) - it's one of those situations where whatever you do, your son isn't going to like it 🙁

How about a compromise that if he takes a girl to his room, the door stays (wide) open (and make regular trips upstairs without necessarily going past the door - that's going to keep them on their best behaviour I would think.

Hi Actd

It is a real dilemma but we have decided to dig our heels in - we have spoken to other parents who have said don't do it and our gut feeling is not to.

They are only 15 and I don't want to be seen to encourage him (especially with a 12 year old monitoring the situation!!)

He is going to her house this week and she has asked if he can stay over - so another argument!!

He told me he wasn't interested in [censored] - I replied he wasn't interested in girls six months ago!!

I put in another post I may leave home - well the suitcase is on the bed!!!!!

It's a tricky one, and what's right for someone else isn't necessarily right for you. I was fortunate (I'm not sure if that's the word really) that my daughter didn't ask for permission for a boy to stay until she was well into being 16, and my immediate reaction was to say no. A few days later, I spoke to her after I had time to think about it, and told her that I would permit it, but she needed to be careful, and I certainly wasn't prepared to be a grandfather for a long time. The reason I changed my mind was that I reasoned that if she was determined to sleep with a boy, then they would find a way/place and I'd rather that she was honest with me, and that it was going to happen somewhere safe.

That was over 3 years ago, and I'm still not a grandfather, and she's a very confident young women at university, and I'm extremely proud of her.

Of course, if she'd asked me the same question if she was 15, and not 16, I'd have almost certainly said no, as you have done.

We have a 14 year old girl (nearly 15) and we do the same as you Super Mario. She brought home a boyfriend a couple of months ago & we told her before he came round that her room was off limits, but she could have the lounge just for them. She argued a bit & also told us how 'All' her friends were allowed boys in her room, but was fine with it in the end & had him round.

We're lucky to have a house with 2 lounge areas & we let them use the lounge you can close off to the rest of the downstairs. Which, when put the doors in we chose glass ones, mainly for light reasons but the dating thing did cross our minds.

My personal view is that it's my role to protect my kids & put in boundaries that are healthy & safe, but also give them tonnes of freedom within that. I don't really care what 'All' other parents allow their kids to do, as her parents we have discussed what we feel is right for our daughter. No teenagers thank their parents for making decisions like this, however I'm more concerned about what they think of us when they have their own kids & hope they'll thank us then & understand how loved they were. I don't mind not being popular now for a season.

Hi Springchicken

Great advice thanks

It is interesting that according to my son we are the only parents in the world doing this, yet according to many other parents they agree with us.

We will need to ride this one out - I am sure things will change if they are still together in 12 months time but for now he needs to understsand that those are the rules.

Like you we have a separate lounge and they are free to do everything they would want to do (within reason!).

I think he understands but his girlfriend is playing the "don't your parents trust you" card!!!