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Hi guys,
I've been living with a lovely woman now for some time but have always had rows and tensions when it comes to her 8 yo daughter. Shes a very difficult clingy girl, prone to terrible violent tantrums and has been that way since birth. I'm a bit pleased when friends say that shes calmed a bit since I've been around ( 🙂 ) but there are regular problems between my partner and I over her.
For example: (deep breath) we have both come to dread mornings as there is inevitably a problem getting out to school. Shes missed at least one day every week since the start of term through "feeling poorly" for one reason or another. My partner has an ear thermometer which usually registers a completely normal temperature and I believe its down to her clinginess with her mother, who usually cancels work and or takes her into the office.
I have sympathy with this (who wouldnt) but its very wearing to see a girl who is bouncing around, arguing and perfectly fit (in my view) to go to school!
My partner feels I am not being supportive and points out that as soon as a teacher hears from her daughter thats shes not feeling completely well, theyll ring her (mum) at work and have her taken out of school right away, disrupting everyone. This seems to me to be a complete disaster - the school is completely at the whim of a child (who undoubtedly doesnt feel well 100%) of the time but who will use the natural tiredness that we all feel in the morning to persuade her mother through anger tears and tantrums that she isnt well enough to go to school.
I have got to where I dont know where to put myself in this. I dont want to be a monster forcing anyone to go to school and I want to support my partner too. Im worried about attendance and missing out on classes. But I feel my partner allows herself to be pushed into accepting (through being worn down) a child who I can see is manipulating, but I cant say that thats what I feel! Anyone in a similar situation? Thank you for bearing with me, btw.... 🙁
You could speak to your partner about going to have a word with the school - they usually have some sort of pastoral support, and at some point, the school will likely contact you about her poor attendance record (which makes the school look bad), If you show the school you are being pro-active, that will make it easier for everyone. If she is ill at school, the school could let her lie down in the school nurses office for a while, rather than be sent home.
Thanks! I have to say (this makes me feel old!) that I was packed off to school with manys a sniffle and bore through as best as I could. The problem seems to be that the school (which I'm not that familiar with yet) seem to insist on packing off any child the moment they complain about feeling unwell - its a first and last resort. Perfectly understandable if it could be something infectious, but what the child says, goes. But as you say, it rebounds on the school in that poor attendance must count against them in some way.
Same here - unless I was unable to move or was dead I had to go to school.
I would chat with the school and ask for some help from them, missing large chunks of schooling at any age must have a detrimental effect.
Hi jojobt9
I sympathise with any parent who is struggling with this. Unfortunately there is no magic formula. A lot of the time, it's simply a case of taking one day at a time until hopefully, you are out the other side.
Trying to find out why a child doesn't want to go to school is probably the first step. If there is a particular reason, at least you have some idea which paths to go down. The next important thing is to keep the school informed. If they are a good school, hopefully they will do all they can to support you and your child. This will probably differ according to their policies and your child's needs and temperament.
You mention that she's clingy. It sounds as if you have been a calming influence on her to a large extent which is great but I wonder if she has any contact with her 'biological' dad. Has there been regular contact with him and then it's stopped suddenly for example - could that be part of the problem. I wonder too if there has been any bullying or other problems at school she's not letting on about. You can get excellent advice through Parentline Plus who you can call for free 24/7. Their number is 0808 800 2222 or www.parentlineplus.org.uk
I hope this might be of some help.
... unless I was unable to move or was dead I had to go to school.
Eeee - you were lucky - in my day, missing school because you were dead got you a detention
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