[Solved] stopping contact

Do you have a court order or is contact just an informal arrangement? If there's an order, then presumably this would be a breach. Either way, I would let her know that you are not happy that withholding contact with you is being used as a punishment and that you do not agree to any futher occurences. I would keep a diary of contact, just in case you need it in future.

There is no court order as I have him every weekend normally with no issues.

She is claiming that the punishment is not that he's not allowed to see me but that he is not allowed to do the things we have planned for weekend. We have very different parenting styles she is very strict where I take a more laid back approach my son is only 3 he is still a baby and should be allowed to play and have fun. I think she knows that I will not stop him from doing what we have planned at weekend and why should I it's my time with him.

I understand my son is really struggling with his behaviour in pre-school but why should I be punished for that he isn't naughty when he is with me he is just playing and having fun.

Hi there

It’s a difficult one really, my first reaction was to say that’s not on at all, but I think that needs to be tempered with working together as parents, whenever there is an issue.

Presenting a united front where there are behavioural problems is important, but she is wrong not to have discussed it with you first... the decisions on any punishment should be made jointly.

I would speak to her and explain that decisions about discipline should be made jointly, especially when it effects your weekend contact... removing time with you isn’t an appropriate punishment and sends the wrong message.

Suggest that the three of you sit down before contact starts, so that you can talk to him together about his behaviour. Perhaps you could agree that he loses a treat, or that if his behaviour doesn’t improve there will be some loss of privilege.

Time with your son is precious and you want to make the most of it, but being a parent is having to take actions, that as uncomfortable as they may be, are done in the child’s best interests.

Absolutely you want his time with you to be fun filled, but you will need to discipline him as he gets older and working out how you will do this together as parents is important.

If your ex understands that you will be united with her on whatever method you both choose to tackle his behaviour, she has no reason not to agree to,contact carrying on as usual.

All the best

I agree with mojo, you need to be united in disciplining him, and that doesn't mean stopping your contact. It might also be worth planning special treats that you can do with your son, based on good behaviour, and will happen if your ex agrees that he deserves it - that way you are both rewarding good behaviour, rather than necessarily relying on punishment.

Parents do need to work together where possible so that one isn't always giving discipline and the other having fun, but she should not take away things you have planned without discussing with you first in my opinion.

Withholding time with you as punishment surely just sends the wrong message.

I'm also concerned that this is happening when he's 3? Surely it would be better for both of you to go and have a meeting with the school?

When my kids were 3, they were still testing the waters and needed firm boundaries when things happened, not a week down the line.