Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I just joined this site after looking for some help with my current situation. My step-daughter is 16 and is so rude to me; I don’t know what to do.
I’ve been with her mum for almost 8 years and we have a 5 year old son and 1 year old daughter together. The five of us live together and my step-daughter’s biological father died when she was 4 of drug addiction.
I have done everything in my power to love this kid but the way she treats me like I’m scum, makes my blood boil.
Every time I try to discipline her or talk to my wife about it, my wife thinks I’m picking on her and that all teenagers are rude. She has told me today that she thinks I have never liked her daughter and still don’t.
This week, she was in my face being rude and I told her to get out of the room. She refused and I pushed her out of the room. My wife went mad and threatened to leave me.
I honestly feel like I could hit her and that frightens me. The bond they have is so strong. Her real dad was very violent up until he died and I think my wife over compensates by never telling her off for anything.
I feel unsafe in my own house. I had a hard time growing up myself so home and the safety it gives me is really important to me and when that is violated, it’s really painful. Its two days before Xmas and I’ve got two beautiful kids and I honestly feel like throwing my phone in the river and just [censored] off.
I haven’t felt this close to causing myself harm for years.
Thanks for letting me share here. Does anyone know of any councillors that specialise in this sort of stuff?
Hi LBF
welcome to the site,
Seems like your going through a very tough time, there are people who can help so don't do anything rash, you have 2 children that you love and care for and I'm guessing deep down you love and care for your step daughter too (although it may not feel that way)
Have you talked to your wife about how close you are to leaving?
I think you need to talk to someone and be open about how your feeling, have you got some one who is able to listen with a level head?
stay online here as others will be along soon i'm sure who will be able to offer some advice.
Hi lfb and welcome
as Darren says, you need to speak to your wife first - I can certainly understand how you feel, but if you walk away without trying to solve the problem, you may well regret it later on. Have you tried to take a break with just your wife? It might be easier to talk to her and tell her how you feel when you are away from everyone else. At the moment you are fighting against your step daughter and your wife, and your step daughter almost certainly knows that she can get away with her behaviour. You need your wife to agree what is acceptable and what isn't - you may have to compromise on some things - and then you can both talk to your step daughter to find out how she feels and what you can all do to calm the situation down. Your wife will then either need to back you up or to step in and tell your step daughter that she's going to far if things start to get out of hand.
I'm not sure what agencies exist to help here, others on here may have some ideas, but I think it may be worth having a word with relate to see if they can help.
Hi LFB
Im sorry to hear you're finding it tough with your step-daughter. I have to agree with the other guys though, you need to talk to your wife about this. You cant carry on like this but you also cant just throw the towel in for the sake of your other 2 kids.
Also, is there ever a time when you and your step-daughter get on? Is there time you could do something just you and her and try talking to her, explaining how you feel and asking her why she behaves so angrily to you? Is there a certain issue you know that is particularly sensitive on? 16 yr old girls being what they are, perhaps she feels upset/uncomfortable about something that is going on but isnt able to discuss it with you?
Just to add my tuppence in - there are two issues here
Firstly she is a teenage girl and they don't like anyone at that age!!! She sounds like she is difficult to live with but I think you need to make sure that she know you will be there for her whenever she chooses to need you
Secondly she may feel like a guest and possibly an unwelcome one as you have two children of your own who she will believe get all the attention
When was the last time you and your wife spent a day with just this young lady and made her feel special and centre of attention - think it may help
I know it is hard but if you love your wife then don't do anything rash!!
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.