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Hi I'm at the end of my tether with this and this site is my last resort.
where do I start?
back ground:- 16 yr old son - keeps himself to himself of an evening very few friends. prefers to spend the time in his room Gaming across the internet.
until recently, though not a bit achiever, he has attended reular school with no obvious issues. then came 6th form!!
we are only halfway through the first term and he has been bunking off almost all the maths lessons and regularly misses other classes too.
two weeks ago, we were called into a meeting with the school head - who agreed to assist in any way he could - in terms of changing the classes my son is enrolled in -he desperately wants to get into it but only has a couple of lessons a week -the rest -life skills maths English etc -he cant stand.
My son, in return for this help agreed to stay at school and attend all lessons .
Today, I get a call from the school telling me that he had not attended any classes today at all and had been seen outside the school smoking!!!
The school have now decided that this is not working and my son will be permanently excluded after the half term.
My questions are: - how do I find out whats going on when he wont talk to me ang when quizzed - storms off in a rage
how do I dissuade him from smoking when both my stepson [28] and myself both smoke? [in recent years I have stopped cigarettes and moved over to a pipe]
it seems very hypocritical for me to stop him -but surely its easier not to start than have to stop later once hooked?
he has a very short fuse with my wife too and I feel that he is being disrespectful
where do I start?
Hi Andy,
Welcome to DAD. I too have a teenager of a similar age to you. Is he studying A-Levels or GCSE's at 6th form?
how do I find out whats going on when he wont talk to me ang when quizzed - storms off in a rage
Talking to teenagers is difficult at the best of time, trying to pitch the discussion so that it doesn't sound like you're having a go is a real skill and not one I think I have quite mastered yet. Storming off is a great advoidance tactic, I have noticed that my teen loves to try to turn a discussion into a argument to enable them to storm off and not have to deal with the situation. We have some articles on the website about teens : Communicating with Teenagers, Talking to teenagers and Help them solve their own problems.
My advice would be keep calm, don't let him push your buttons, have a plan of what you want to discuss, listen to what he has to say, try to use positive statements rather than negative ones (i.e not - you always, you don't,), let him get away with a few "I dunno's" and shoulder shrugs, Find out if there is anything you can do to help him?
Do you know what he wants to do for a career/Job ? Is there a another way for him to achieve this outside of the 6th form enviroment?
Smoking is a worry, I know how you feel I also smoke - I have tried to give up on numerous occasions and started somewhere between 16-18 (to be fair fags were only £1.20 a pack then) and I don't think that I have been anywhere near a good example for my teen.
Again I would try to have an honest discussion with him about it. Was it only the once?, does he smoke regularly? He will be aware of all the facts: It will cut his life short, he will spend a fortune on the habit, It will cause issues with his health in the long run, It is really really difficult to quit but there is no harm in explaining them to him again. I would be honest and explain that you're not angry but you would rather he didn't smoke because your his dad and you want the best for him and that isn't smoking.
The thing is (and it's been the toughest one for me to get my head round) you can't live their life for them now, you can only guide them in the right direction.
Has the change in mood been sudden or has it been building over a period of months ?
We are here for you. Keep talking
Gooner
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