[Solved] Order - Having my children

Hi There,
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This is really tough as you say you want to have them both stay but this disruption isn't good for any of them.
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You haven't said how old your son is, but I would say talk with him and see what his issue is with going to bed, I'm sure you have already, but set some time aside to make sure you can really talk with him about it, I know my stepson was like this when I first started seeing my now wife, and it took a lot of work to stop, it can be done.
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When you take him to bed, it's important not to engage in any conversation with him, if he comes out of his room after bed, no matter what fuss he is making simply walk or take him back to bed and walk away, if he isn't getting any reaction from you he will soon realise there is no point and hopefully settle down, then the following morning you can discuss it with him, this isn't a quick fix and may take manay nights of doing the same but hopefully it will work.
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GTTS

I agree with GTTS, it's important to talk to your son, depending on his age and his understanding. Ask him what you can do to make going to bed easier for him. What are his sleeping arrangements? Is he sharing a room and is this something he isn't used to? Perhaps if he is sharing a room you and he can work on making his sleeping area more his by allowing him to put posters up, choosing some new bedding....that kind of thing. He might be missing his mother so a photo of her on his bedside table might help.

If he is younger the technique that GTTS has mentioned is effective, but you must be consistent. You might also like to think about introducing a star chart, make it together and for every time he is good he gets a star, which he places on the chart himself and after he's achieved a number of stars, he earns a reward.that he can choose...it doesn't have to be expensive, trips to the park, a picnic, swimming, that kind of thing.

If he is older then I think you need to go somewhere, just the two of you and talk about it, try and find out what is upsetting him, perhaps he wants to spend more time with you, if that's the case try and organise it so that you have some father son time away from the others to help him feel included.

Often when children behave like this it's their way of saying they are unhappy about something, as adults its our job to look beyond the bad behaviour and see the little person underneath that is struggling with something.

Be patient, be kind and work with him to find a solution. Taking away the time he spends with you doesn't feel like the right answer to me.

Best of luck

My son is 9 years old and is very much like his mother head strong and it has to be his way or nothing. We have both talked to school nurse as he is still having bed wetting problems. I have said he needs ELSA support at school which he is getting now. He said to nurse when he is with me he worries about his mum & baby brother and when he is with his mum he worries about me. He has too much going on in his head and it seems his mum puts too much responsibility on him. She gets him to look after his brother etc.

Ok that sounds promising that this can stop. I do try talking to him a lot but he is just very close–minded and is hard to get through to him. I do this when I put him to bed like this and don’t say anything just pick him up and put him in bed. He reacts to this and kicks off saying he’s not tired and doesn’t want to go to bed.

No he goes to bed on his own. The same as where he lives (He has his own bedroom) He did start off in a bedroom but because he kicks off banging doors, throwing toys etc we have moved him to the lounge on a pull out bed. We do have a reward chart for him & the girls which they get to out stickers on for good behaviour. We do try & do things together as he goes to football I take him myself to that. Also when its bedtime the girls go to bed at 7/8 and my son plays games usually on the wii and goes to bed a later. This is good & he seems fine & quite happy at the time but when its bed time it goes back to square 1 with him kicking off and refusing to go to bed. I know part of the problem is at his mums he has no discipline or very little. His bedtime is just him going to his room where he can plays games etc still. Whereas at mine bed time is bed time with lights out

Poor little fella sounds like he's struggling at the moment. There's not a lot you can do about the lack of routine/discipline at his mothers, but perhaps you could talk to her about giving him too much responsibility. As far as worrying about you both when he's away from either of you, perhaps a phone call at bedtime for reassurance might help.

Perhaps a change of evening routine might help and increasing his physical activities during the day.....it might be a combination of not enough excercise and too much stimulation (using the Wii) before bedtime. Start with quiet time an hour before bedtime, a warm bath would help and warm milk or hot chocolate. Instead of the wii introduce books at bedtime and try reading to him quietly. This is an old tried and tested method and seems to work for many.

Technology before bedtime is a problem, I know because my grandson just won't go to bed when hes been on my iPad! When he stays at his other grandparents, they don't have iPads etc and he's sleepy and ready for bed much earlier...the same when he's at home, he goes to bed normally. I've had to change the time he's allowed on the iPad when he stays with us and it seems to work.

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I have tried talking to my ex but she always knows best and she doesn’t take anything I say on board. Yes the phone call might be a way forward. Ok I will try that method thanks. That’s reassuring to know other children are the same and it can be sorted out. Thanks guys