[Solved] Need some advice on my 9 year old daughter

...Schools do take what seems a long time, but they have to follow procedure and they are working under cuts to their budgets which has an impact on the extra help they can offer...just keep at them.

It's a good idea to get your GP involved, I'm not so sure about the Social Services, they only usually get involved if your child is at risk in the care of the other parent. Perhaps you could call them to voice your concerns, but if your ex has difficultY telling you things now, contact from Social Services might make that worse. You could give them a call just to share your concerns and ask for them to be logged, but that for now you don't want any intervention from them or contact with the mother as it would make things worse.

Perhaps you should try talking to her mum about her spending more time with you, as a short term measure....if you put it to her that you want to give her a break so that she can recharge she might agree. Give her lots of reassurance that its no reflection on her and that its just whilst your daughter is getting assessed, and once additional support is in place things can return to how they were. Or even suggest a week on week share of your daughter, just whilst things are getting sorted.

I know how you must be feeling, we only want the best for our kids and when we see them struggling, it's heartbreaking. You sound like a great dad and I'm sure you'll find a way through this. It helps to talk too, so hopefully sounding out here will have helped you get a better perspective.

Hi Robbie,

There are 2 routes which can be taken, the first if via the school who can refer your child the Educational Psychologist, the second is via your doctor who can refer you Child Adolescent Mental Health Services for assessment.

Doctors can be very hit and miss, and in the past schools have been the same. Try your doctor first and if you don't have any luck ask the school if they can speak to the Educational Psychologist. There will be one assigned to the school, but frequency of visits mean this route can take longer. One advantage of the school route is they will have other observations to help the EP decide if there is an underlying cause and not dependent on observations from parents, especially if one is reluctant to talk.

One thing I did learn from my daughter is that children can act very differently in different environments, so the behaviour we observed was not so obvious at school, so with two contradictory experiences of her behaviour meant it took longer for her diagnosis. For this reason alone I would suggest holding off on criticising your wife's parenting skills until your daughter is assessed.

Either route, if there is an underlying cause CAMHS will become involved and will work with parents to help improve family life and behaviour. One advantage of the doctor route is the earlier involvement of CAMHS so if there is not an underlying issue they will be able to offer advice on how to deal with the difficult behaviour and in a way your wife will not feel threatened or made to feel like a bad parent, which is more likely to get her on board with changes.

Both routes can take time for an answer to come through. Our daughter went through the school route and it took two years to get the final diagnosis, though we had been given a good idea what the probable underlying cause was once the EP was involved. This was due to schools observations when talking to the EP.

Hope this helps.