[Solved] Need help with 4 Year old

hi,

yes those tantrums can be a nightmare lol. i remember it started with our child from age 4. worst part is when we need to go out and they refuse to put shoes on and throw tantrum. best thing i found is either cuddle them or leave them on their own and wait for them to stop crying. she is now 6 and will still throw tantrum if i ask her to put on a dress she doesn't like etc.

Okay, I have an update, and I really need some suggestions on how to deal with this:

Today I was leaving my room at 6:30 and my daughter came out and asked for the iPad. I knelt down to her level and had a quiet discussion with her about why she needed to go back to sleep and not be on the iPad. I thought I had it under control, and stood up to leave, but then she started following me saying "Daddy, don't go!" I again tried calmly to get her to quiet down and go back into her room, but she refused and began screaming. I was, at this point getting angry and picked her up and put her in her room and told her to stay there, and again she refused and was wailing.

At this point my wife came out angry at me and I left the house. I sat in the car upset and trying to understand what I could possibly do to get this under control. I texted my wife several times but got no response and my daughter was now sitting on her bed by herself . I saw her leave the room and I texted my wife saying i was going to come back in and keep her quiet until she and my son woke, but I got no response. I went inside and my daughter came out like there had been nothing wrong, and I started asking her why she was doing this. She admitted she was not frightened and only wanted the iPad. I told her I didn't appreciate her behavior and that it was not the right way to behave. I told her that I had to go to work and it wasn't nice of her to be doing this. I tried to get up but she threatened to scream if i tried to leave without giving her the i Pad. In the meantime, my wife was texting me telling me how much I had screwed up, and I told her I would leave when she and my son woke. When I did try to leave my daughter pitched another fit, but I left. Now my wife thinks i an traumatizing my daughter, but the reality is she is holding me hostage and is only 4 years old.

I know my wife and I need a plan to deal with her before this happens again, but i am not sure how to make that work.

Please help.

hi,

surely your wife understands you have a job to do. she should take over when you leave for work. this is only the beginning of your childs tantrums, so you should start getting used to it. does she wake up because she is disturbed when you get up? perhaps you can sleep in a spare room now and then. you both should know that having kids means less sleep and quality one-to-one time together 🙂

seems like your child has some ipad addiction. perhaps you can find a way to reduce the amount of time she spends on it. like an hour a day max, or use it once every 2 days.

I would say that you might need to try a star chart, where she gets a star for a particular aspect of good behaviour, and if she gets enough stars each week, then she gets a reward, in this case, use of the ipad (perhaps for an hour each day the following week) may be the perfect reward.

https://www.dad.info/article/the-joy-of-parenting

As you might know Fegans is the children's counselling charity that currently support Dad,info. If it is useful they have a parenting course you could look at. It is basically free (they do ask at the end if you'll consider donating) but it might give you some suggestions.

https://www.dad.info/parenting-top-tips-intro/

Thanks

Nell
Digital Editor

Hi JohnEGCA, how are things going at the moment for you all?

Kind regards,
Fegans Parent Support Volunteer

I also have a 4-year-old daughter. She's always acting up and I'm really tired of it. We tried to punish her( not allowed to watch cartoons and not allowed to walk in the yard), but all to no avail. We are even thinking of contacting a child psychologist. My wife recently gave my daughter mother and daughter bracelets. My daughter was very happy and did not even act up for a couple of days, but it's not fine to give gifts so that the child does not cry... In general, I will hope for your advice.

I also have a 4-year-old daughter. She's always acting up and I'm really tired of it. We tried to punish her( not allowed to watch cartoons and not allowed to walk in the yard), but all to no avail. We are even thinking of contacting a child psychologist.

I also have a 4-year-old daughter. She's always acting up and I'm really tired of it. We tried to punish her( not allowed to watch cartoons and not allowed to walk in the yard), but all to no avail. We are even thinking of contacting a child psychologist. My wife recently gave my daughter mother and daughter bracelets. My daughter was very happy and did not even act up for a couple of days, but it's not fine to give gifts so that the child does not cry... In general, I will hope for your advice.