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My ex wife of 5 years is vindictive. A narcissistic sociopath. We have 2 children together - 16 year old son and a 14 year old daughter. I have 50/50 custody of them.
I have recently purchased land where I grew up and am getting started on building a new home. My kids are really excited about it and I know they show that to their mother.
Since the start of this new lifestyle I am building for the kids, my ex has grown into a monster. Far more than the monster she already was. Hateful, spiteful and controlling. I can't help but think its pure jealousy compounded with her narcissism.
When we were married, she had control of everything. I just went to work and came home. We built 2 homes together and she took care of paperwork, banking, etc. I just worked until midnight on the house every day. Now that I am able to do all of the above on my own, again, I can't help but put the blame on jealousy.
Is there anything you men can think of that I can do to help this evil she's becomming? I know she is trying to beat me down to the kids and I hate that, considering all I am doing is trying to make a great childhood for my kids to remember and a place they call home.
Hi there
The best thing you can do is to disengage from her, she has no control over you, or the ability to influence you anymore...unless you let her.
Thankfully your children are at an age where her influence over them is diminishing too and the fact that you have 50/50 care of them must have been a big help in limiting her influence long term.
The best response you can give is to ignore it and get on with building a home, being a success and making your kids happy.
Best of luck with it.
Hi There,
.
I agree with Mojo, she will only have a hold on you if you let her, I know it's easier ssaid than done, but don't allow her to get you down, as you say it's jealousy, plain and simple.
.
GTTS
Where do your children want to live? There's nothing to stop the 16 year old living with you now if you are able to accomodate, and in that case, the 14 year old would have a very strong argument for also coming to live with you full time. Just a thought.
I think actd makes a good point, if at any point your oldest child wants to live with you they have the choice to do so, regardless of the mothers wishes. If you were then to apply for your younger child to live with you, if that's what she wanted, you would be in a very good position for the courts decision to go in your favour. At fourteen a childs wishes would carry considerable weight and courts do like to keep siblings together.
Thanks for these replies. They are all common sense of course. I really just,needed confirmation that I'm right
The kids see it all and the obvious with no problem at all. She sure wears it all right there on her sleve!
Hi Sponse26,
I know how you mean about needing confirmation, just to make sure what you are thinking is sensible, and this forum is a very good place to do that. I often find it helpful to have another adult comment on something I'm pretty sure is right (my son is 11, he lives with me half the time, and although he is a great little guy there are things that I can't bounce off him and just need a grown-up to hear). So welcome to the forum, it is a really useful place.
Regarding the jealousy issue: I don't think this is rare. My ex-wife lives perfectly well (mainly because I provided a house for her) but still has issues if she finds out I have an initiative (be it business, property, investments or whatever). Like Mojo advises, I have disengaged from her, never let her into my house and don't tell her anything. My son has realised what his mother is like and chooses to tell her nothing about our plans (which are mostly for his longer term benefit anyway).
I have a feeling much of your ex-wife's problem may be down to money (it usually is). Perhaps she will lose CB and probably the CM that the state insists we pay, even under shared residency arrangements.
Good luck with the building, but it is probably best to keep the details to yourself (I managed to build another house without my son's mother ever finding out!).
O
unfortunately this is all too often the story.
I cant offer much advice as your complaint is a bit vague "hateful, spteful" other than ignore her? 5 years now, good for you for moving onwards with your life
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