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hi all,
need help with this one please
me and my partner are at wits end
my 8yo daughter has lived with us full time for last 3 years
she lies about everything, he first reaction to any question is to lie
no matter how many times we have asked her to tell the truth and that she wont get in trouble for telling the truth
she got in trouble at school and it took them half a day to get the truth out of her
we know shes lying and she knows we know but she still just carries on
we have tried the usual like punishment for lying and reward for the truth, along with just about everything else suggested
then if you talk to her about anything serious, or anything like asking to do homework she cries
ask her why shes cries and then the response is dont know
if she gets some of her homework wrong - she cries
weve told her millions of times crying doesnt get you anything
her general behavior if my partner goes out is like she is testing me with everything
to the point where my partner no longer goes out
we have gone through some very testing times, my partner has to older girls and we have a baby boy
and everyone is at risk because of the lies
me and more importantly my partner needs a break but we have no-one my daughter can go to so we can get one
we would love to get to the bottom of this behavior, most of it I understand is for attention, but with joining 2 families the attention needs to be shared
after 3 years you would like to think she would conform to whats expected and being asked of her
there has been improvement but its very slow
any advice greatly appreciated
thanks in advance
She sounds like a very confused little girl, you're asking her to have insight, but she's too young to work out what's going on inside or to make sense of it, even adults have difficultly with that...
I don't know exactly what lead up to a transferral of residency for this little one, but I'm guessing it was a traumatic time for her, with lots of changes for her to deal with. Does she see her birth mother?
She could be feeling unsure of her place in the world, guilty about the past and rejected by her mother, all the sort of emotional baggage that will make her behave in. Irrational and confusing ways.
I think she may need some sort of intervention to help her come to terms with the issues that are affecting her, without that I can't see things improving. I would certainly talk to the school about what provision is available and also speak to your GP about what's going on and ask for some help for her, the GP should refer her on for counselling hopefully.
Most of all lots of love and reassurance, if she s attention seeking there has to be a reason for that too... I can understand your frustration, so imagine how she must be feeling...don't be hard on her, she's struggling.
All the best
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