[Solved] I seem to be losing my temper too regularly.

Mark,

Depressingly (for me) you seem to be describing an average day! When my daughter was born 5 years ago I was as psychologically and emotionally healthy as the next man. After just a few years I was self-harming (mainly to stop harming my kids), had been in counseling, almost developed a drinking problem and eventually ended up on antidepressants (didn't work) at my wife's insistence that I 'get it sorted'.

If you are, like me, a self-disciplined person, i.e. a 'control freak', being faced down by an intransigent toddler can bring down the red mist. Real, or even imagined, time pressure and deadlines only compound this. I'd like to offer a solution but i can't (irony alert: i have a phd in psychology!). I simply have an agreement with my wife that she takes the kids to nursery and I pick up. I just cannot keep my cool when under time pressure. I am a much better dad at home-time and I would rather my kids see that aspect of me.

People without anger issues just cannot understand them, which is understandable since they seem so stupid once you are 'out of the situation'. Yes, try the suggestions listed by other responders here. They might work for you. For my part, the more I tried to keep a lid on it the more I felt I'd failed when I did explode and the more pressure and guilt I felt. Vicious cycle, anyone?

My best advice is to relax and try to avoid those situations that are particularly difficult for you. Yes, this is 'running away' from the problem, but I've given up looking for the magic bullet that will make me the perfect dad. I'm aiming for occasionally-explodes-but-then-apologizes dad. That seems to be all I can manage.

Recently I have found myself losing my temper and shouting .
A typical scenario is me asking him to do a simple task like brush teeth, put coat on etc before leaving for school. After asking several times I can sometimes lose my temper, this is usually compounded by the need to get to school on time. .

At my wits end with almost daily battle. Left without his school jumper this morn as I not prepared to wait more than an hour for basic tasks most mornings.
He is 9 for goodness sake.

That's the trouble with issues of anger, it becomes a vicious circle!

Are you coping ok Clyde? It will help to talk about it.....

I hope people are still reading and contributing to this topic thread as I can really do with some tips.

I have a 4 year old daughter who sometimes will get ready when we go out, sometimes she won't BUT when she doesn't she won't do ANYTHING. Won't get up out of bed, won't get dressed, won't brush teeth etc.. etc... Sometimes when we put her clothes on her (as she won't do it herself) but the trouble is if she doesn't want them on she will just take them straight back off again. This mostly happens in the mornings trying to get to school and work. (I dont work or drive, but my partner does) I try to help in the mornings, but not only does my daughter not want my help, my partner also does not seem to want my help either.

But like most of the other posters on this thread, with the deadline looming closer and closer of school time and my partner getting to work (school to far to walk so my partner has to drive daughter to school) every time my daughter refuses to do things I am tending to get angrier and angrier with her. I sometimes smack her on the bottom (Not overly smack her but a normal smack just to let her know) because she just wont listen to you talking to her when she is in that kind of mood. Trouble is then, my partner then starts shouting and moaning at me for smacking and shouting at my daughter then an eruption starts between me and my partner and its like a full scale world war. And its happening every day these days. Its doing my head in. I think for me, my anger and frustration is contributed by quite a few things going on in my life lately like being unable to get a job, my health is dwindling etc etc. and whilst I am trying to get these under control as well, I cant seem to concentrate on them whilst the trouble with my daughter and partner is going on.

Someone please help.

Hi Paul,

I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties and coming here to talk about it is a good start.

I can understand the frustrations going on in your life at the moment, problems with employment and health are both quite big issues alone and worrying about them is probably the catalyst for your anger and frustration with your daughter.

I think the most important thing here is communicating your problems with your partner. If you can talk to her about what is going on and how it's making you feel then together you may be able to come up with some coping strategies.

If its the smacking that provokes the arguments in the morning then this is definitely something you need to address. I personally don't agree with smacking children and its been shown not to work anyway so this needs to stop! If you feel you are reaching that point then leave the room, if you have discussed this as an option with your partner as a coping tool then she will understand...separate yourself from the volatility, disengage. Far better that your daughter isn't witnessing the arguments and I'm sure your partner would agree! You've said that your partner doesn't seem to want your help in the mornings either, perhaps this might be an option, or you could take it in turns instead of together.

As far as getting your daughters cooperation is concerned you could try getting up earlier and getting her in the right frame of mind first. Sometimes a chart is helpful to get youngsters to comply, make it together and explain to her that every morning if she's a good girl and gets ready for school and brushes her teeth she can stick a star in the column for that day, and if she has been a very good girl and gets all five stars in all of the columns she can have a treat. This has worked for others, me included!

Paul, at age 4, have you tried a behaviour chart with stars for achieving specific goals? Also, have you tried setting the deadline for getting out of the house 15 minutes earlier - just to give you a bit of breathing space?

That's the trouble with issues of anger, it becomes a vicious circle!

Are you coping ok Clyde? It will help to talk about it.....

just found out this thread. I dont even remember posting above - I on mobile phone and cant see date of post?

Anyway, worse trouble this morning and I sitting in car in tears.

I just booked a premier inn as I not going home tonight as just cant face it.

I will be ok and will go home for my kids tomorrow but I at wits end. I am worn out doing 99% of everything at home and still get blamed for everything.

I think going to a hotel for a night is a very good idea just to try to get some time to yourself and to try to recover a bit. You definitely need to be looking after your health as a number 1 priority - when you have got that sorted, you will have the strength to be the dad you want to be.