[Solved] I seem to be losing my temper too regularly.

Hi ,

I would have a talk to him when you are calm sit him down and explain the reason why you get angry and that probably you can help each other to stop it happening so often, don't pretend it won't happen ever again as that is more than lickily to not be the case.

I know mornings aren't everyones strong point my wife hates getting up and isn't the best person to be around first thing, explain this to him and how when he isn't doing as he should then it makes mornings harder.

if the mornings are the biggest issue which it sounds like they may be I would imagine he has a little routine he has to get through every day like , Get up, Get dressed, Eat breakfast and brush teeth. Maybe do a little chart for him to fill out as he is doing these things so he can tick them off, work out what time he has to have each one done by and teach him the times on the clock at the same time. make it a game with a small reward for getting it all done on time for a week.

Darren

Hi there and welcome 🙂

Children can be so frustrating and 6 yr olds will push boundries to see how far they can go!

Having said that, it isnt good to send them off to school with your shouts and anger ringing in their ears. I think the fact that you are acknowledging what is happening and are talking about it, is a very good indication that you are going to work it out. There are a couple of things you could do.

If this happens in the mornings and your stress levels are rising in case of lateness, then perhaps you should get up a little earlier which will give you more time to get them ready, and will allow for such "hiccups". The second thing is to take some time out when you feel that you are losing your temper, remove yourself from the situation, go into another room and compose yourself before returning. If you dont already, you could try cleaning your teeth together, this may motivate him to copy you and brush for longer.

If your problems arise in the mornings around getting ready for school, you might think about introducing a "getting ready" chart. This you would make together, and it would have seven columns for each day of the week....if hes a good boy he would get to stick a star in the column for that day...and at the end of the week if he has all seven stars he would get a treat. My Grandson just wont eat his packed lunch so we have introduced one for this, hes given a choice of what goes in to his lunchbox and if he has eaten it he get a star and at the end of the week he can choose a treat. It seems to be working!

Children will play up at times, no matter how hard we try to have things run smoothly and a little bit of naughtiness from time to time is normal, but by losing your temper and throwing things you are teaching him to do the same! children learn by example as you know!

Hi there and welcome 🙂

Children can be so frustrating and 6 yr olds will push boundries to see how far they can go!

Having said that, it isnt good to send them off to school with your shouts and anger ringing in their ears. I think the fact that you are acknowledging what is happening and are talking about it, is a very good indication that you are going to work it out. There are a couple of things you could do.

If this happens in the mornings and your stress levels are rising in case of lateness, then perhaps you should get up a little earlier which will give you more time to get them ready, and will allow for such "hiccups". The second thing is to take some time out when you feel that you are losing your temper, remove yourself from the situation, go into another room and compose yourself before returning. If you dont already, you could try cleaning your teeth together, this may motivate him to copy you and brush for longer.

If your problems arise in the mornings around getting ready for school, you might think about introducing a "getting ready" chart. This you would make together, and it would have seven columns for each day of the week....if hes a good boy he would get to stick a star in the column for that day...and at the end of the week if he has all seven stars he would get a treat. My Grandson just wont eat his packed lunch so we have introduced one for this, hes given a choice of what goes in to his lunchbox and if he has eaten it he get a star and at the end of the week he can choose a treat. It seems to be working!

Children will play up at times, no matter how hard we try to have things run smoothly and a little bit of naughtiness from time to time is normal, but by losing your temper and throwing things you are teaching him to do the same! children learn by example as you know!

Our post's over lapped, seems we have similar ideas 😉

...great minds think alike eh Darren! 🙂

I will echo what Darren and NJ have said - The fact that you have recognised the issue and are willing to change is brilliant. Don't beat yourself up, we have all lost our temper at one time or another (often).

Getting up earlier so that you are not in such a rush and the morning routine chart are brilliant ideas. You could vary the treats as well so it could be something as simple as we'll go to the local park on Saturday afternoon or something similar. Rewarding good behaviour with a little treat is a really positive way to sort the issue out. Just make sure you explain the rules and maybe get the kids to help make the charts.

Gooner

now i have a little question don't take this the wrong way.

is there something on your mind other than your 6yrs old behaviour
the reason is i went through a stage just like you shouting and snarling at the kids when the real reason was the fear of losing my job and pressure from other people

so although i did not want to snap and snarl at my kids it was just the niggling little things they did that i felt i just did not need at that time

if it is just the 6yrs old behaviour does he have an intrest in something you could use as a weekly reward

Hi all I am new here so hopefully I have done the post ok.
Mark I am at the same stage as u I am always losing my temper with my kids. I love them dearly and would not hurt them. But they do push me. I can tidy up but they don't think they need to put there stuff away. It has taken me a long time to admit I have a temper problem and could do with some help. If there is any dads or places that can offer my help then that would be great.
James

It's worth looking locally for anger management counselling.

Anger management counselling? ....take it easy not that stage yet
There has been various opinions already mentioned here which could have indicated the possible root cause analysis for this recent emotion, It could be one or a combination of these several factors
There is no written or quick formula and you may have to modify/adapt each suggestion to suit you and your children
You have taken the first step by acknowledging your shortcomings
The responsibility lies on us as parents and don't worry you will get there eventually
It will be nice to feedback to those who have offered various suggestions
Not necessarily to counsel but perhaps to put things into perspective

By the way do you mind my asking what is your partner's view on this recent development ?

I don't think it needs to get to any particular stage before anger management can be used, let's face it, it is counselling with a focus on anger, but it's looking at the causes, so if it's sought early, it can be useful to find strategies to resolve any issues.

On second thought, there is a good point to be noted on the question of anger management
After going through your original issue again what struck me is the question of the proportion of your reaction to your children behavior
I will still say you need to take all the advice raised here on board

Good luck hope this is resolved sooner rather than later
koka

Mark,

Depressingly (for me) you seem to be describing an average day! When my daughter was born 5 years ago I was as psychologically and emotionally healthy as the next man. After just a few years I was self-harming (mainly to stop harming my kids), had been in counseling, almost developed a drinking problem and eventually ended up on antidepressants (didn't work) at my wife's insistence that I 'get it sorted'.

If you are, like me, a self-disciplined person, i.e. a 'control freak', being faced down by an intransigent toddler can bring down the red mist. Real, or even imagined, time pressure and deadlines only compound this. I'd like to offer a solution but i can't (irony alert: i have a phd in psychology!). I simply have an agreement with my wife that she takes the kids to nursery and I pick up. I just cannot keep my cool when under time pressure. I am a much better dad at home-time and I would rather my kids see that aspect of me.

People without anger issues just cannot understand them, which is understandable since they seem so stupid once you are 'out of the situation'. Yes, try the suggestions listed by other responders here. They might work for you. For my part, the more I tried to keep a lid on it the more I felt I'd failed when I did explode and the more pressure and guilt I felt. Vicious cycle, anyone?

My best advice is to relax and try to avoid those situations that are particularly difficult for you. Yes, this is 'running away' from the problem, but I've given up looking for the magic bullet that will make me the perfect dad. I'm aiming for occasionally-explodes-but-then-apologizes dad. That seems to be all I can manage.

Recently I have found myself losing my temper and shouting .
A typical scenario is me asking him to do a simple task like brush teeth, put coat on etc before leaving for school. After asking several times I can sometimes lose my temper, this is usually compounded by the need to get to school on time. .

At my wits end with almost daily battle. Left without his school jumper this morn as I not prepared to wait more than an hour for basic tasks most mornings.
He is 9 for goodness sake.

That's the trouble with issues of anger, it becomes a vicious circle!

Are you coping ok Clyde? It will help to talk about it.....

I hope people are still reading and contributing to this topic thread as I can really do with some tips.

I have a 4 year old daughter who sometimes will get ready when we go out, sometimes she won't BUT when she doesn't she won't do ANYTHING. Won't get up out of bed, won't get dressed, won't brush teeth etc.. etc... Sometimes when we put her clothes on her (as she won't do it herself) but the trouble is if she doesn't want them on she will just take them straight back off again. This mostly happens in the mornings trying to get to school and work. (I dont work or drive, but my partner does) I try to help in the mornings, but not only does my daughter not want my help, my partner also does not seem to want my help either.

But like most of the other posters on this thread, with the deadline looming closer and closer of school time and my partner getting to work (school to far to walk so my partner has to drive daughter to school) every time my daughter refuses to do things I am tending to get angrier and angrier with her. I sometimes smack her on the bottom (Not overly smack her but a normal smack just to let her know) because she just wont listen to you talking to her when she is in that kind of mood. Trouble is then, my partner then starts shouting and moaning at me for smacking and shouting at my daughter then an eruption starts between me and my partner and its like a full scale world war. And its happening every day these days. Its doing my head in. I think for me, my anger and frustration is contributed by quite a few things going on in my life lately like being unable to get a job, my health is dwindling etc etc. and whilst I am trying to get these under control as well, I cant seem to concentrate on them whilst the trouble with my daughter and partner is going on.

Someone please help.

Hi Paul,

I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties and coming here to talk about it is a good start.

I can understand the frustrations going on in your life at the moment, problems with employment and health are both quite big issues alone and worrying about them is probably the catalyst for your anger and frustration with your daughter.

I think the most important thing here is communicating your problems with your partner. If you can talk to her about what is going on and how it's making you feel then together you may be able to come up with some coping strategies.

If its the smacking that provokes the arguments in the morning then this is definitely something you need to address. I personally don't agree with smacking children and its been shown not to work anyway so this needs to stop! If you feel you are reaching that point then leave the room, if you have discussed this as an option with your partner as a coping tool then she will understand...separate yourself from the volatility, disengage. Far better that your daughter isn't witnessing the arguments and I'm sure your partner would agree! You've said that your partner doesn't seem to want your help in the mornings either, perhaps this might be an option, or you could take it in turns instead of together.

As far as getting your daughters cooperation is concerned you could try getting up earlier and getting her in the right frame of mind first. Sometimes a chart is helpful to get youngsters to comply, make it together and explain to her that every morning if she's a good girl and gets ready for school and brushes her teeth she can stick a star in the column for that day, and if she has been a very good girl and gets all five stars in all of the columns she can have a treat. This has worked for others, me included!

Paul, at age 4, have you tried a behaviour chart with stars for achieving specific goals? Also, have you tried setting the deadline for getting out of the house 15 minutes earlier - just to give you a bit of breathing space?

That's the trouble with issues of anger, it becomes a vicious circle!

Are you coping ok Clyde? It will help to talk about it.....

just found out this thread. I dont even remember posting above - I on mobile phone and cant see date of post?

Anyway, worse trouble this morning and I sitting in car in tears.

I just booked a premier inn as I not going home tonight as just cant face it.

I will be ok and will go home for my kids tomorrow but I at wits end. I am worn out doing 99% of everything at home and still get blamed for everything.

I think going to a hotel for a night is a very good idea just to try to get some time to yourself and to try to recover a bit. You definitely need to be looking after your health as a number 1 priority - when you have got that sorted, you will have the strength to be the dad you want to be.