[Solved] I assaulted my 15yr old stepson

Hi DannyP 🙂

...You're talking about it and are taking full responsibility for your actions and this is the first step. My advice to you would be to go and see your GP and tell him what has happened and ask if he can refer you to an anger mangement counsellor. This will help you to understand whats lies beneath your reactions, and it will also help your family to see that you are genuinely trying to do something about what happened.

I know you must be feeling just terrible at the moment but lets hope that given a little time you can all come to terms with what has happened and move forward. Might I also suggest that you think about talking to Relate....I'll give you a link to their website. This is something you could all do together as a family, if not right now, perhaps in the future.

I would also like to share a similar situation between my partner and my son when he was 15, he is also his step father. I think it must be a hormonal boy to man thing because my son was behaving really badly and being quite confrontational, squaring upo to his stepdad, pretty much as happened to you....My partner snapped and grabbed him and had him up against the wall, they were struggling and it only lasted seconds. Fortunately I didnt involve the police, I sent my son to his room, he was shocked and needed to calm down. Like you my partner was devastated and disgusted with himself, things calmed down and he apologised to my son and my son said sorry too. They were a little wary around each other for a while but things were back to normal pretty quickly. My son is 30 in July and has total respect for his stepdad, they can laugh about that time and my son acknowledges that he was out of order. I think you'll find these type of incidents are more common than you imagine.

www.relate.org.uk

Best of luck with putting the pieces back together Danny and dont punish yourself too much.

I would see an anger management counsellor as soon as possible, for a number of reasons
1. It needs to be sorted out
2. You are demonstrating to your family (all of them) that you are serious about doing something about your issues
3. It shows to the court that you are truly sorry for what you did - this is the least important of the reasons really - the first two are the most important. Make sure you tell the court that you want to build up the relationship with your family again, including your stepson - come up with some proposals you can put to court that you can try that would provide a safe atmosphere for your stepson.

I think a single incident won't scar him, and he may be feeling bad about how he reacted to you also. Time does heal, but make sure you show you love him (and your other children) even if (once the court allows) it's by regular letter or something like that.

I agree with NJ - I think the fact that you haven't tried to avoid responsibility for this incident is extremely commendable.

Thanks all for your replies.

They really help.

I have been to see my GP who has given me some anti depressants for now. Counselling is the next step.

I really hope that you are right in saying that hopefully this will pass. It just feels so raw at the moment.

Thanks you so much for your kind words, they are a comfort 🙂

Danny.

If your GP has not recommended you for counselling yet,I think MIND run anger management courses. Perhaps you could put anger management into the search engine with the area you live in and you should find a whole list of places that run them It is important that you get going on that because it shows everyone that you have taken responsibility and are dealing with it, which is so important for you, your family and the authorities. Good for you on taking responsibility too and asking for help! Good Luck! 🙂

Try contacting Talking Therapies about your anger management, There is a short wait but they are supposed to be really good.

For those that were kind enough to offer me support I have a bit of a situation update.

I got a 2 yr conditional discharge for the assault, which was v lucky.

I am currently living in a flat but have full access to the family home.

I am on anti-depressants and see a psychotherapist once a week, which is very helpful.

My relationship with my stepson is getting back to normal, although I do still have bouts of extreme guilt. My relationship with other family members seems to be okish now.

I'm still hoping my wife has forgiven me, although she's the one I worry about the most as she's still a little non commital over our future. Still, I try not to worry about it or ovethink it.

I feel ok in myself, but I'm not sure if I'm happy. Reading "The Jewel Garden" by Monty Don. V interesting so far, as he suffers from depression too.

All the best,

Danny

Danny, I'm so glad that you are working through it all and that your relationships are getting back on an even keel....I truly hope your wife will come round, non committal is better than not at all, as she sees you getting better she may start to open up again and allow you to get closer to her....just give it time.

Thank you so much for dropping by and letting us know how things are going, we really appreciate it when members that have had a hard time come back on a more positive note.

I am very happy to hear that things are on the up. I think you should just focus on you and the "now" rather than the future at present, for your own sake. AS NJ says when your wife sees how you are dealing with it and your improvement in yourself, maybe things ill change. Non committal is defo better than anything!

It is only time now ...and good luck 🙂

DannyP,

First of all can I say, well done. You realised you were having issues and have taken steps to sort them out.

I am so glad that things are getting better.

I would echo the advice already given, concentrate on now and feeling better.

Keep us posted on how things are going.

Gooner

Thank you everyone for your most recent words of support.

They are some lovely positive notes for me to remember on darker days.

This forum has been a real pillar of strength for me. Thanks so much 🙂

Hello again peeps!

Just another update.

Things still seem to be working out ok. I have my up and down days, where I think of what happened and it still makes me feel very ashamed, but I do try to keep a balance with the positive inroads that I've made.

I'm still renting a flat, but have daily contact with my wife and children in person so its not like im away from home that much really.

Hopefully I'll be able to move home again soon, but I guess I'll need to know that my son is truly happy about that. To be fair to him, he's been nothing but supportive of me over the whole incident, and he's more of a man bout it than I ever would've been. But, I hope I've not damaged him, and thats what makes me doubt everything!

Still, I guess more time will help.

All the best,

Danny.