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Good afternoon all
Some other posts have very useful pointers on this, but nothing has quite answered my question.
My two sons aged five and nearly three are basically ignoring me, and indeed acting up, when I try to get them to do anything. Over the past few days this has really come to a head and I've shouted at them more loudly than I ever expected to, which has worried me, as I don't know what to do. I think my shouting comes from frustration at not knowing how to deal with it. My wife says to walk away/remove myself from the situation, however I think this sends the wrong signal - to me it seems to suggest they have 'won' and will keep doing it, but also how do I walk away when I'm trying to get them out of the house to school or somewhere else?
So my question is - what tactics have other dads used successfully to get your kids to listen to you? Or even what didn't work?
Many thanks for this and sorry if it seems to go over old ground.
Have you tried a wall chart and awarded stars for good behaviour (even allowing them to stick the stars on themselves when you award one will be a treat) with a prize at the end of the week if they get a set number (agreed at the start). Concentrate on just one aspect of their behaviour each week and if they do that, they get the star - don't remove stars for bad behaviour, and you must award the star if they do what is agreed, even if they are badly behaved in other respects. Also, don't give in to pleading - be firm and if they didn't earn the star, then they don't get it. They may well fail to get the prize at the end of the first week, but I would be pretty certain that they will be on track to get a prize by the end of the second week. Once you have that aspect nailed, then move onto another aspect of behaviour.
My son's nursery did with with my son 20 years ago - turned his behaviour round in 2 weeks.
Having a 6 year old which nothing worked with I can understand your frustrations. Perhaps starting with the basics like reward charts etc is a solid place to go, but sometimes they don't work. Kids also have a happy knack of knowing that what they're doing is winding you up and they want you to shout etc and it means they've won in their eyes....
The best, yet the hardest thing to do in my experience is rise above it, ignore it and do your own thing. If they don't listen to you, find something that will get them interested and to listen to you.
Also if you need to walk away to calm down do it, it's better than the alternative. This is coming from me, who until recently used to shout a lot due to the boys behaviour, but i've learned to ignore certain things now, if I need to go for a walk, i'll go, as you also need to look after yourself as well as the kids.
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