Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
My current partner wants to go abroad with our little girl and step daughter , but leave my son from a previous relationship at home as he can have behaviour issues and I don’t know what to do , she says I should want to make memories with my other kids and deserve a break but I feel so guilty even thinking about it ?
what can I do
Could you take your son somewhere for a 'boys' holiday?
Hello MancDad,
Thank you for sharing your dilemma. This cannot be an easy situation for you. I understand how you are perhaps feeling torn between wanting all your blended family to be together, but at the same time, it reads as though you are trying to keep your partner happy also.
I have the following thoughts, that you may find useful to consider in helping you to make a decision together with your partner.
To think about:-
You say that your son can have behavioural issues, can you think and perhaps discuss with your current partner exactly what these issues are and why they would stop you from going away together as a family? Is she perhaps afraid of what may happen, or that you both could not cope for example?
Are there any practical steps and arrangements you could put in place for your son, to assist with your holiday being of benefit to all of you, so you don't have to leave your son behind. For example - steps to make the journey easier, if your son needs a plan to help him understand what is going to happen - if he likes routine and predictable outcomes.
As the other post suggests, would you and him be able to do something together at a different time, if all going away together is not an option?
Communication in this situation is key, and mainly this affects yourself and your partner. It's ok for her to have feelings about it, but also you must be able to get across your side of things too. I don't know how much you see your son or if he lives with you, but I think also that if your son has multiple needs and you and your partner spend a lot of time caring for him, it is also understandable that your partner may need a break.
Have you any other trusted family members who you could entrust with your son whilst you were away?
One final thought to think about - would your son feel upset if he was left behind, or could you make his experience into an adventure for him too? Communication again is key with him, you don't say how old he is, but reassurance and openness are very important.
I hope you manage to find the right the solution for your family.
Kind regards,
Parent Support Team
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.