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Hi everyone
I am new to this site but thought i would give it a go, i am at my wits end and beginning to become ill due to what is happening/been happening for 3 years.
I get access to my 4 year old daughter every weekend, sometimes even during the week, i cant complain about that. I cant moan about how her mother looks after her or brings her up, she is doing a good job.
My problem lies with the in between period when i dont have her. I have constantly paid maintenance, even when i have been able to paid double, i have helped the mother out with her late bills as well. I never refuse to have my little girl as i want to be with her as much as i can, she always comes first. What i get is constant abuse, games, threats, to the extent i have had police and myself driving around at night looking for my daughter and her mother, based upon messages sent to me stating she was driving my child around whilst drunk, you can imagine my panic. i have even been put through the lie of my daughter moving away to the other end of the country, even had a day where i could go and say my goodbyes to her only to find out it was a lie to hurt me. I get abuse going to hospital visits and abuse when not going, have even been threatened with a restraining order because when my daughter has been taken to hospital with her asthma i have gone, but again get abuse for not going. I have been messaged with statements saying i hope you have cancer and die, whilst in hospital being diagnosed with a brain tumor. I have had threats of never seeing my daughter etc etc etc.
My point being is with the bar being raised so high, with regards that my ex seems to have to no line she wont cross in respects of trying to hurt me. My failing being, i cant deal with things to such extremes. Believing i was saying goodbye to my little girl totally destroyed me, the drink driving lie destroyed me, its made me build up such a mistrust of what she may actually be capable of doing with regards my access that i am stuck and beginning to feel nothing but hatred towards someone i had a child with.
She wont listen to any of this, i have suggested lots of things to work things out so everyone benefits but no avail, she seems intent on destroying me so much which i have to say she is succeeding in, all of this is beginning to make me very ill
Any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated
Hi there,
It looks to me like she is controlling you through your daughter. I think you need to separate your duty to your child with her demands, and get some ground rules in place. All of the extra things you do for her aren't appreciated. You confirm that she is a good mother and is doing a good job but she is failing in one very important respect, and that is to acknowledge the importance of having both parents fully involved in your child's life!
You have two options, the first is mediation. This is where you would make an appointment to go and discuss the issues, the mediator would then write to her and invite her to attend and with the guidance of the mediator talk through the issues nd hopefully reach some agreement. Here's a link
www.nfm.org.uk
Legal Aid is still available for this service and you can check that here
www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid
If this fails or she refuses to attend then you can apply to,court for a defined contact order. You'll find lots of good info about this at the top of the Legal Eagle section.
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