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@lewdwater Yeh there has been lots going on. It's been a week since the 'event' and I think all is good now. Thank you for your support.
HiI am a married dad of nearly 20 years and we have 2 wonderful daughters, aged 13 and 16. We all have a great relationship, but sometimes the girls do forget respect for me and I often tell them.The young one has a habit of ‘messing around’ sticking her middle finger up at me, and I have often said this is inappropriate.I work from home, run my own business, and have those pressures also. I work constantly and have literally no time to myself. It has been quite a stressful few months, starting with our eldest doing her important high school exams whilst we were keeping the 13yr old away from her whilst she is studying. On top of this, our 13yr old needed a lot of persuading to revise for her own exams, which was rather challenging in itself. Along side this, the 13yr old has a lot of social anxiety. Although she has a large group of ‘girl’ friends, they can be very overpowering, mean and generally just acting like bitchy girls which she takes to heart and gets very upset. She is afraid to stand up to them and it’s not the right time for her to walk away from them just yet. Most days are great with her friends, but the ones that are not, she is crying and we deal with her sympathetically. At her age, we can’t get involved and speak to parents or school as this will make things worse for her.We often have arguments with her giving her advice on how to handle the situations but she is very very stubborn and won’t listen. Last weekend, it call came to a head, and I royally kicked off. We were advising her to handle a situation in a certain way, there were raised voices and she told me F*** Off. That was it, I totally lost my rag, slapped her leg, threw her phone and I have never shouted like that before. I was in a total rage. I was so angry, I ripped my shirt and jumper off my back and punched the dining chair in another room. I was mortified by my actions. I was angry and could not calm down. I went for some fresh air and a long walk. Eventually I came home and calmed down. We hugged and apologised and everything was ok in the end.When the topic of friends comes up, I feel very anxious and panic inside.So, the point of this is, I still feel [censored] terrible at how I acted. I don't whether I have blown a fuse in my head due to the shouting and ranting. I am worried I have cause myself some damage inside, let alone the mental damage to myself and daughter. She says she totally fine and is acting her usual self. I do have slight headaches that come and go but I think the is tension.Thoughts, help, advice?Thanks for listening.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time, but I have to contradict some of the things you mentioned. It's essential to acknowledge that your actions were not appropriate when you lost your temper and physically reacted towards your daughter. Violence is never an acceptable way to handle conflicts, and it can have long-lasting effects on your relationship with your child.
Instead of resorting to anger, it's important to find healthier ways to communicate with your daughter, especially during challenging situations. Seek professional help, like family counseling or parenting workshops, to learn better strategies to handle conflicts and support your daughter's emotional needs.
Set a positive example for your daughters and show them how to deal with emotions constructively. Seek support and advice from professionals to navigate the challenges you're facing and create a more harmonious family environment.
HiI am a married dad of nearly 20 years and we have 2 wonderful daughters, aged 13 and 16. We all have a great relationship, but sometimes the girls do forget respect for me and I often tell them.The young one has a habit of ‘messing around’ sticking her middle finger up at me, and I have often said this is inappropriate.I work from home, run my own business, and have those pressures also. I work constantly and have literally no time to myself. It has been quite a stressful few months, starting with our eldest doing her important high school exams whilst we were keeping the 13yr old away from her whilst she is studying. On top of this, our 13yr old needed a lot of persuading to revise for her own exams, which was rather challenging in itself. Along side this, the 13yr old has a lot of social anxiety. Although she has a large group of ‘girl’ friends, besides I have to say that actually I don't know how I could influence my son anymore, in fact I even turned to important source to see what proposal I could make to make him listen to me, it even helped me for a while, but anyway everything came back to its places after some time( they can be very overpowering, mean and generally just acting like bitchy girls which she takes to heart and gets very upset. She is afraid to stand up to them and it’s not the right time for her to walk away from them just yet. Most days are great with her friends, but the ones that are not, she is crying and we deal with her sympathetically. At her age, we can’t get involved and speak to parents or school as this will make things worse for her.We often have arguments with her giving her advice on how to handle the situations but she is very very stubborn and won’t listen. Last weekend, it call came to a head, and I royally kicked off. We were advising her to handle a situation in a certain way, there were raised voices and she told me F*** Off. That was it, I totally lost my rag, slapped her leg, threw her phone and I have never shouted like that before. I was in a total rage. I was so angry, I ripped my shirt and jumper off my back and punched the dining chair in another room. I was mortified by my actions. I was angry and could not calm down. I went for some fresh air and a long walk. Eventually I came home and calmed down. We hugged and apologised and everything was ok in the end.When the topic of friends comes up, I feel very anxious and panic inside.So, the point of this is, I still feel [censored] terrible at how I acted. I don't whether I have blown a fuse in my head due to the shouting and ranting. I am worried I have cause myself some damage inside, let alone the mental damage to myself and daughter. She says she totally fine and is acting her usual self. I do have slight headaches that come and go but I think the is tension.Thoughts, help, advice?Thanks for listening.
Hi!
Actually it would be nice to tell you how things are going? Because this really is morally hard to go through, I also went through something like this and I understand you quite well.
It sounds like you've been going through a lot lately with work, family, and your daughter's challenges. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and lose your cool sometimes. The most important thing is that you recognized your actions and apologized, showing that you care deeply about your daughter and your relationship with her.
Parenting can be tough, especially when dealing with sensitive issues like social anxiety and mean friends. It's natural to feel anxious and panicky about it. Remember, you're doing your best, and it's okay to seek support and advice.
If you're feeling concerned about the headaches and tension, it might be helpful to talk to a professional to help you process your emotions and find healthy ways to cope with stress. Remember, we all make mistakes, but what counts is how we learn and grow from them.
Take it one step at a time, and don't be too hard on yourself. You're a caring dad who loves his daughters, and that means a lot. Reach out for support from friends, family, or a counselor if needed. 😊
Thank you for your responses, it’s good to know I’m not alone in this. My wife is very supportive which is great but I am a worrier. I just need to take a step back and she has said to me when our daughter is about to go off on one, let her deal with it and for me go for a walk.
I think the thing that eats away at me the most is the way I behaved like an animal. Who in their right mind rips their shirt off in anger? I have never ever done anything like that. I feel so upset by it. Let alone I’m still panicked about have I given myself some sort of unruptured brain aneurysm. I’m reality. I should just put this down to being a bit over anxious.
I feel fine but worried, probably for no reason.
i am just ranting now, so apologies.
I have noticed myself getting anxious when my daughter mentions her friends in a casual way, so I laugh it off inside.
thanks again for your replies, it’s very reassuring.
I did post a message like this on a dads page on mumsnet, and that was the worst thing I could have done. Made me feel ashamed and awful and apparently she should divorce me and kids taken away. Made me feel sick.
I'm sure we've all done things we regret so don't beat yourself up over it. The NHS has some help lines if you feel you need to talk it over with someone. The charity we are with you is another possibility.
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