[Solved] Gifts for my kids?

Hello Bigfra,

It is hurtful that both forgot Father's Day and your birthday.

A gesture however small, of whatever kind, is an indication they have thought about you which is the purpose in acknowledging these special days. Lack of money is no excuse .

I think you were right in telling them you were hurt and hopefully they will remember in future and be more considerate.

I personally would always send both of them a Christmas and a birthday card if that is what you usually do. By doing this you are showing them consideration, your continuing love and importantly setting an example of how to behave.

Two wrongs do not make a right. If you do not send them cards at appropriate times you will be doing to them what they have done to you and nothing will be achieved. In fact it will not teach them a lessen, I believe you will be seen to be as petty as they have appeared to be selfish.

Is it worth having a word with them to see if they are feeling hurt in any way? They shouldn't forget your birthday, but with all of the advertising going on, it's not possible to forget fathers day - and even if they can't afford a card (which is pushing what is believable) even a simple text message to you would have made a difference.

A friend of mine once told me that he gave pocket money to his kids unconditionally, no matter whether they had been good or naughty. He really is the kindest person I've ever known and would do anything for his family. Many years later, he still gets on with his children very well and they are decent caring people.

I would say the same about xmas and birthdays - keep giving them presents and cards, don't let something small become something big. It could turn out that next time you get cards or presents and you don't feel forgotten, but if it was me I'd feel a little embarrassed that they might be doing it out of guilt. It could backfire if you pull them up and give them a hard time about it and make the future uncomfortable.

It wasn't a very nice situation for you to be in but I think if you continue to show that you care for them no matter what they'll come around and realise that maybe they were a little selfish. Even with no money they could have made a card or even sent a message, made a phone call - it's the thought that counts.

As their Dad you have to rise above [censored] for tat and continue to set them an example.....next year I would remind them!

When my kids lived with their mother, she used to stop their pocket money if they'd been naughty, and eventually she'd find the flimsiest excuse to stop them from having it. When I got custody, I did the same as your friend, it was money for them to spend irrespective of their behaviour, (the only reason I would have stopped it was if they started to smoke or do drugs, never happened) and partly because of that, their behaviour was never a problem, and now they don't speak to their mother.