[Solved] emotional support for the kids

sorry all i was spouting in my post above, I was so angry and didnt know what to do, I just had to vent somewhere and the keyboard and you all got the brunt, kids are asleep and the house is calm again,,,need to think long and hard on how to help daughter..

What a dreadful burden your daughter carries having been told that by her mother.

How you handle this, I don't know but handled it must be to avoid your child being emotionally damaged. I think my first port of call would be to go to your doctor and tell him what was said and the emotional damage it may do to your daughter.

The mother is also isolating the child from you by not letting you talk to your daughter. This will have an adverse effect on your child as your daughter can speak openly to you, giving you the opportunity to reassure her and give her confidence and security. If you let your wife stop you speaking to your daughter, she could quickly become a lonely, nervous, insecure child who feels unloved. Do keep communication going with your daughter, that is a MUST ! Let her talk openly to you, express her fears and don't dismiss what she tells you as this could make her feel she has no one she can turn to.

I consider it very serious what the mother has said to the child and that action needs to be taken as soon as possible. I've said about going to the doctor without delay, he may recommend a child psychologist to limit the damage the mother's comment could cause. There may be other options that people on here will make you aware of. I hope there are as I see what the mother has said as very damaging to the child and a worrying situation for you.

Do please keep us informed of any deterioration or improvement regarding the situation.

Managed to get some good quality time with my daughter yesterday away from the house and wife. I didnt raise the subject with her, but let her express herself freely and the subject of divorce/what has been said didnt come up. Towards the end of couple of hours out, she became argumentative and didnt want to go back home, so we just sat at the base of a tree had a hug and sat there talking about random things. at the end i did losely bring up the divorce and I apologised to her for everything that has been said to and around her, and promised to make sure mummy and daddy do not argue in front of her again (just hope the wife can agree/stick to this). she then spotted some cherries growing on the tree and we spent the last 10 mins trying go get these unripe cherries off the tree (she wanted to collect the seeds for planting) and having a real good laugh, she went home freely and a lot happier in herself. I will be keeping a very close eye on her over the next few weeks and I have noted your recommendation, and may pop down docs for a chat in the week when the wife is in work.

Thanks

Wonderful !

I think you've handled it perfectly.

Keep doing what you did yesterday, I think she will unburden to you at some stage and talk about it. It will have reassured, strengthened your bond with her and confirmed you love her and importantly made her feel more secure. Daddy is there and that's what she needs to feel and be sure of.

TBH not to sound harsh, but its not just the mrs but she is not protecting her children by acting this way (which is usually the mothers trump card for everything) thats putting an emotional strain on your ten year old, that argument couldnt have happened without you....Im not professing virtuous [censored] as Ive been there and still land there. This whole thing is putting the strain on them, kids dont process things like we do and she'll make lots of comparisons to the negative elements of any of her friends with seperated parents, after all, we talk in negatives much easier that positives dont we?

Id be saying contact the school and ask what their counselling services or pastoral care is? they'll probably buy time into a counsellor or something. Its about support here

I agree completely with Twiston - speak to the school and ask about pastoral support - it will be confidential, and they won't discuss anything said with either you or your ex without your daughter's permission. Once you know that it's available, you can then speak to your daughter about it and suggest she goes along a couple of times initially to see how she gets on - make sure she knows that it's completely confidential. I think she might find a lot of help through that.

I agree completely with Twiston and actd and advise speaking with the school.

Agree with earlier advice. I would go as far as removing your daughter from what is going on. She could go live with close by families or friends for a short while. Messing up a child's mind with threat of suicide is very serious, adults struggle to deal with it to say the least.

Hope all goes well for you all.

thanks all, I have spoken with the school, they will see if they can arrange for someone to speak with my daughter, but the school breaks for the summer in 2 days so I'm not going to hold my breath. The Doc has suggested letting the school handle it in the first instance, so will see what happens next.

With the schools hols now on us, I get to have the kids all day mon-fri whilst the missus is in work ( I work from home and can be flexible in my day), so I'm aiming to make the break as good as I can for them, but she will just argue the point that I'm "trying to score points" and influence them etc etc, everything I do seems like a no win, but if the kids are smiling at the end of the day that's all that matters.....

You say quote, " everything I do seems like a no win," with her maybe BUT quote, " if the kids are smiling at the end of the day .....," you're A WINNER ! That's what matters, the children.

Sorry for being late reply in this thread.
You are a perfect dad. You did great job in handling the situation. I must say that your wife and your child, both are lucky.
Stay like that and don't argue with your family. always manipulate in politely manner.