[Solved] Discipline guilt

Ah the terrible twos!

It depends on what form your "discipline" takes. As long as you are firm but kind, no shouting or smacking.... Talk to her afterwards about what has happened and why and reassure her with lots of love.

I can understand your feelings, if your time is limited then try and keep your time together full of things that you do together, there are bound to be hiccups but as long as you are consistent and move on once the episode has finished and give her lots of love, I don't think there will be a problem...I've always found that children appreciate boundaries as long as they are fair, it gives them a sense of security.

Hi There,

I agree with Mojo, Children have more respect when they are diciplined, my son would always favour me over my ex wife when we were together even though I was harder on him than she was, he learnt very quickly that no meant no, and he had real respect for the fact that he was given boundaries, even to the extent that he told me that my ex had tried given him things he knew I didn't allow him to have, He told me when I got home from work "mummy said I could have ????? but I said no as I wasn't allowed, she said it would be ok, but I still said no" I was so proud of him.

I know it's different as you aren't with your ex, but as long as you are being fair with dicipline and as Mojo has said explain why she is being told off, or told no, she will gain a great level of respect.

GTTS

Thanks both. That makes me feel better about it. I don't shout or smack. I firmly tell her ' no, that's naughty, we don't do that do we', and stay stood with her for a few moments for it sink in and then move on. I will try following it up with telling her why she shouldn't do whatever it is. Thanks.

I think equally important that you make positive promises that you stick to 🙂

I completely agree. My children have more respect for me than tehy do their mum because I am the more disciplined parent. The amount of times I have had my ex on the phone crying because they've been naughty and wont listen and as soon as I tell them, they listen.

Stick to your guns, as long as she can see the good side of you with the love, hugs, fun etc......you cant go wrong.

Cheers guys. I think you're all right. I think I am at a stage where I am rebuilding my confidence as a parent having not seen my daughter for so long, and constantly having my ex, both in and out of our relationship - even now, a year on, telling me that I do everything wrong as a parent and making sure I know that she is best parent and the one my daughter will always love more. Deep down I know that I have always been great with my daughter, and continue to be, and that my ex is very abusive towards me, but it sometimes gets to that point where if someone tells you something enough times you start to believe it. When that starts to happen I am getting good at noticing it early on now, and will try and find five mins to regroup and remind myself not to listen to her.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

Dr. Seuss