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I've managed to rebuild a relationship with one child (other parent is not supportive in anything) following long court battles for access but unfortunately one despite efforts over last few year is resentful and doesn't want contact or limited (only 10). Due to lack of support from other parent, the erratic and aggressive behaviour and my own struggles with mental health I'm not going back to court to enforce order (I've contacted schools and social for support as worried).
I still wrote a Christmas card as do other relatives my side. Sent a token small gift back and £20 in card, no thank you. Other relatives did same, received but no thank you. Other child has visited extended family recently and has been given gifts and youngest child is more resentful. Is there anything I can do to make them feel less left out but also acknowledge that other child has built these relationships and its fair? Just feel I can't win either way.
Hello Daz,
Thank you for sharing your very difficult situation. Like you say, sometimes it's impossible to know what to do for the best. Firstly, I would suggest that you try to get yourself some help with your mental health struggles. You matter, and you are as important to your children as their other parent. Looking after yourself is important, maybe a visit to your GP to be referred to a counsellor or a charity like MIND, which has a very helpful webpage.
Secondly, well done for sending the Christmas card and gift to your child. Keeping the relationship going, however it can be done at the present time, is crucial for later down the line, when your child may ask questions about the situation you were in. Sometimes, the other parent refuses to give the child the gift from the other parent, so that maybe the case, I don't know. Or your child may not know how to cope with their emotions, and receiving a gift from you could have stirred things up for them. BUT, please keep them going, birthdays, Easter, Christmas and any other events or suchlike that you think they will want to read about one day, just so you know you did everything you possibly could to stay in touch with your child.
Finally, whilst it will be difficult for you to ensure your child doesn't feel left out, when their sibling is seeing family relatives, I would encourage you to make a point of spending as much quality 1-1 time with your child, letting them chose an activity, through this they may open up about how they are feeling and you in turn could ask them "what can I do to help you?" Quite often through play and other activities, children will open up about things.
I hope some of this will help, you have done the right thing in keeping communication open with the school and social services, I hope that they will be able to give you the reassurance that you need in order to have a better peace of mind.
I wish you all the best for a more positive outcome,
Parent support.
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