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Good afternoon. I'm not sure this is in the right place. If not, please could someone move it?
I am divorced from my ex-partner, with two children. Love them so much. My divorce came about from my infidelity, and I hurt her in a very bad way. I was an arsehole, and have admitted as much to her, and apologised profusely. Of course, this doesn't make up for my behaviour at the time to her. I understand she was hurt, and still is hurting probably. However, I have always been there for my boys (despite several misunderstandings during the divorce process where the CSA told her I wasn't paying support, even though I was, etc.)
We had a period of relative calm last year, and began talking civilly and amicably, and put in place a parenting plan that while flexible, favoured her completely and let me see the kids every other weekend, and encouraged telephone contact.
However, since I told her I intended to remarry, the communication between us has broken down. She's moved on, and is with another partner too. However, she will not text me, call me, or communicate with me about anything in my boys lives. She exploded at me via text a month ago saying she was considering cutting down my contact with the boys (staying contact, every other weekend as agreed in the parenting plan and statement of arrangements for childcare at time of divorce), and I can't see what I've actually done wrong here. I've been paying child maintenence (I have offered to pay more, but she won't go for it). I turn up every other weekend, five minutes before my scheduled time, and get them home at the agreed time. Basically, she sends them to the door at 6pm on a Friday and expects them to open their own door at midday on a Sunday, and she won't talk to me.
I guess what has broken me is that today is my eldest son's birthday, and I called to say Happy Birthday, and she hung up and switched her phone off (she took him away for his birthday). She won't accept a call, and is controlling all the communication I can have with my children when they are not with me. My kids, she is poisoning them against my new partner. They say some terrible things about her when they come and I feel I have to undo all their hard work.
I'm trying, and I want to be there as much as I can for them. But she won't let me. As she has alluded to cutting contact (she hasn't done it yet) and is not communicating with me on anything including medical, educational, etc. what options do I have? I would like to have something written in stone, legally binding. Can I head down that route? I've asked her to talk to me or try mediation, but she is unwilling to do either.
Thanks in advance for any advice.
To go to a court for contact (now a child arrangement order), you are required to try mediation first anyway, so this is going to be your first step if you go down that path. However, it is possible that matters will get worse if you do go to court, so my own view is that you still try to talk to her occasionally, but unless she actually cuts contact, everything is is probably not so important - ultimately the decision is yours though as to whether you leave it for the moment to see if it deteriorates, in which case you do need to act, or whether it stays as it is, in which case, can you live with the situation as it is.
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