[Solved] Been given an ultimatum

Please can you help? I have 4 kids 3 with ex and 1 with old partner, have a brilliant relationship with my old partner however have been put through the mill with ex!!!! as I'm on a good salary and she thought the grass was greener she got hold of a toy boy with no job and plays xbox all day and expects 25% of my salary for the 3 kids!!!
I have the kids 50% of the time and a bit more and refused to pay her anything!! she was struggling to pay her rent and decided to take this course of action against me. As we filled our divorce together and had the local mare to witness she decided to kick off after he went out of the house!! and after previous actions by her after she cleaned the house out when I was away with work she assaulted me with 2 x witnesses that saw everything. that day she kicked off in my house I asked her to leave but she didn't so I asked again but refused so I grabbed under arm pit and gently tried to escort her to the door, but no she kicked off again and kicked me in the stomach!!! I opened the door and told her to leave, as she walked out she said will get you now you basted and went off to the police and put a statement that was 8 a4 pages long!!!! in 7 years of been together 3 lovely kids we never had a argument and she put that on her statement, plus some marks on her chest that was never made by me!! I put a statement of true reflection of events and had to go to court on a minor assault charge!!! magistrates take my statement as a plea of guilty and gave me a conditional discharge and a small fine, cost me £2500 in brief costs and court cost I showed her the bill and this is kids money and she pissed her self-laughing!!!!!
a friend came to me 2 weeks later and told me why she did it she took her to women aid and clamed domestic abuse and had to have help as I was violent!!! please believe me on my kids life I have no bad bone in my body and all my past girlfriends will say that, my eldest daughter can’t believe what she put me through and it was all for a council local authority house!!!!! yes!!! for a house she manages some domestic classes but after two classes she jumped the queue for a nice house and never went again!! I now have to sustain Facebook abuse as a bad dad and a violent man and she milks it large on the victim of abuse!!! I'm a good dad have a good job and provide all I can fore them as I love them immensely. xxxx
But I been put through games you will never believe gone to the police several times she is now trying very hard to get me sacked as I have had to claim child benefit to put them in cresh and hmrc is so long sorting it out!!! I have asked for half the child allowance of £90 and got told to [censored] off!!! I and in a dreadful position and depend on my sister to help me emotionally and mentally!!! can you help in any advice to get her to stop cant believe the mother of my kids would put a dad through such anguish in 1 year now. I have sent her 2 letters from solicitor but she never replies so £360 down drain again, and the latest is I have the kids every weekend Friday till Monday!!! what is possible to resolve some of this issue I see some good dad's have had similar issues? sorry for all of this but I hope you understand this is the last avenue I have left. thanks Bryn

Hi Bryn

Unfortunetly grabbing her under the arm is classed as assault. So really that is lessened learned I am afraid.
The moment she has a case of abuse she will get legal aid (which is prob why it has happened). I am not up on that field of things.

My advice is always remain the bigger person, Always remain calm and keep a record of everything. Phone call, texts emails. And the biggest must always try and be amicable. Believe me, really know how hard that is. But you have to for you children and from what everyone tells me on here and common sence really. Your children in future will see you are being a decent person. Have you tried mediation? It was not much use for me, But there are some great stories on here about them. And if you decide to go court route. You need to go mediaiton anyway.

With child maintenance. There are sites you can use to calculate how much to pay. just make sure you download the PDF because that gives you the fine print. Normally the parent with the primary responsibliy is the receiver and that person is the one that recieves the child allowance. If you have your children over half the time you can try and claim it. But same again. I have not looked in to that. I just want to see my boy. but this is why you need to try mediation so you can dicuss these issues with someone else there.

I know solicitors are expencive. But normally they offer the first hour free. So what I did was book several solicitors and asked the first one Q till my time was up,. Then sort out next set Q and go next one and so on and so forth.

I am not sure what you are asking me to be honest. If you are asking about trying to stop the way you ex is being with you. I am still trying to work that one out. However I have learnt. No matter what, keep records (if police get involved it will help you no end) and if possible try and avoid contact unless someone else is there. I was lucky in that respect. Spoke to a few people on here and they have given me excellent advice. I know your ex will through all sorts at you to try and get a reaction. I dont understand why they do this. something in the genes I think. There are so many people that have been through on here what we are going through and they offer top support and are so helpful and can guide you.

I hope this helps a little. we are all here to support you. It is the very least I owe this site.

Colin