[Solved] Been given an ultimatum

Hi,

I have to say that if she works those days and hours then actually what your asking for makes sense, as like you say he will be settled and at the age he is again as you say he will settle into it quickly.

Though you may come across opposition from your ex, so think everything through and have answers ready for every possible query she may raise.

GTTS

I was trying to speak to her about it and her mum. But verbally I just got told we cant do it because of benifits. It is the whole reason I have had to do something. Now she just says she is thinking of Ethan, thats why she keep threatening me with if I go through with this shell try and make me see him as little as possible. I am trying to think of everything and now I just want to go mediation explain my case and thought and reasoning. work that one out. I just want us both to bring him up. With out this sounding bad on her parents. They are not responsible for him. We bought him in to the world. not moeny or benifits. Me and my ex. So I so strongly believe that is should be us looking after him. between us. we are not to geather but we have to work togeather for Ethan because otherwise he suffers long term. I will not let that happen, Sorry rant over
I am trying to think of everything she will say. But at the moment shes just says no She is doing what is best for ethan. No explanation or anything. No matter what I say. Then get told when ever I say anything I am turning it round on her. Ican twin with her. So now I just say This is whyh we are going mediation because we both want what we think is right for Ethan and need a none bias person to help. Seems to be the only way to calm her down. We cant keep having same convo on are own. getting us no where. If I end up not getting 50/50I just want to know why and understand that it is what is best for my son. On same note I want him to know that I tried to spend as much time as possible with him. I am from a broken family and only saw my dad 1 day a week. I have no relation ship withhim. but Mystep dad means the world to me. I am afraid I am going to have the same relation ship with him. I really dont want that

Colin,

You sound like a top dad (and a top bloke) sent a little shiver down my neck with the comment about your step dad, as I have a step son and even though at his age he would never admit it, I know how much I mean to him, as he does to me.

You are doing the right thing, your not asking for too much and your trying to be fair, I've said it before you are doing the right thing in the way you are handling this and I take my hat off to you as you are thinking about you child before anything else.

Keep going the route you are and I'm sure it will pay off, just keep in mind that baby steps will get you further ahead, and you will stay ahead, rather than leaps that you may have to back track from.

GTTS

I wish I felt like one.
My step dad has always been there for me since 10yrs old. My dad however not. He has said recently (last week) he wishes he saw me more. I am 38 now. so this is why I got to fight and be able to show him when he is older.I wanted him as much as possible even is I only see him once a week. I can say I tried to see you all the time.
Small and steady. Just scared and feel so alone. I look at people I know and don know any dads that are or have been through this recently. I speak to my dads but so much has changed in 30 years. lol. I know I got to sort it though for him. Because I will make sure whatever happens I have done everything and anything to secure that bond that can never be removed or forgotten.

well I think you can see from this site your not on your own, many of us have been through this or are still going through it, and we are all happy to share our experiences either good or bad.

Why don't you feel like a top dad? You can't help the fact that you and his mum didn't manage to stay together and you couldn't have stayed together just for him.

I'm sure you will have a bond with your son, no matter how much contact you manage to get.

GTTS

Its just me. I have seen,heard, felt him everyday from before he was born. Then had it taken from me and feel like I am not getting anywhere for him. Just feel a bit lost and a loser. I know I am not. just have good days and bad days. more at night because I sit there and and ponder and get everything ready for when I next have him. then when I have done that that is when the mind wanders. She also gets to me. what if I do end with just seeing him 1 day a week. I cant mange that. I really cant.

There will be good days and bad days Colin.

Just keep plugging away, distract your self when you feel down and live for the good times.

I know what you say about it only being one day a week but even if that transpires you can alwas go back at a later date as the child gets older.

Dont despair and sta on this forum as you will get avice and support and even an ear/shoulder. Your not alone.

Regards,

Dave

As Dave says, you will have good and bad days, or nights even and I get what you say about the evenings being worse, But one thing for certain, I don't know you, but you don't seem like a loser to me, you seem switched on and on the case.

It's going to be a long drawn out process but there is lots of support from us guys (and girls) on here, so again as Dave says keep on the forum.

GTTS

Cheers guys.

Honestly I really dont know what I would of done with out you and this web site. Been on a couple of them and this seems to be the most inspiring and helpful. I dont know any of you personally. But what I do know is. If I ever see you and I win the lottery I would give you chunk of it the way I am feeling. Mean that in a good way 🙂
You really are all so helpful and supporting. I know come future whatever happens I am going to be on here and trying to help anyone else that is having similar issues or anything I can help with. I know it is going to be a while till its sorted until then I know that I can always call on here and you will give impartial advice and support. weather that is good or bad. I know it will be honest.

I'll keep it simple. Go to mediation, in the long run, you'll probably have to anyway, or even end up in court.

Once you bow down to the threats you will have to keep doing it.

Thank you

I am with you. I dont want to go court but feel I need to be prepared just incase.

With regards to the 50/50.
It is just she works every thurs, fri, Sat night from 9pm-6am at night. So I am thinking of 50/50 for that reason as many others.

So I would have him week 1 Thursday at 5pm-Monday 0830ish. week 2 Thursday at 5pm-Sunday am (time be arranged because she got to have some sleep unless she is going somewhere. Trying to be nice) Does this sound reasonable? Also means more important My boy isn't moving around all the time. He will be in blocks if you get me. So thinking for him it will be a routine. That at 9month old he will adapt quickly and then when he gets older will be settled in the routine. I do not think that this is unreasonble and what is best for him. He is already enrolled in the school near me when he is old enough, However. My ex mum works in a school as an assistant. Which I would like him to go to so he sees a familiar face. All I want is what is best for him.