[Solved] Am i being too strict

Hello friendzi,

You ask, quote, "What would you have done."

I would not have sent him to bed.

I would have had a conversation with him explaining why he must not go out the front without Mummy or Daddy because .....(give him a reason)..... and that when he wants to do that he must ask first.
Children, I believe, will respond better if they are given a reason instead of just a "no." If a parent talks to a child and explains, the child understands why they cannot be allowed to do whatever it is they want to do and is more accepting of refusal.

He obviously enjoyed going out there yesterday and simply thought that he would go and play with his friends again. When you say quote, you "thought this was a massive deal going behind my back like that." He is a 4 year old little boy wanting to play and like all children going beyond the boundaries which need to be calmly and kindly reinforced by parents on a daily basis through talking with them so that the child understands what they should or should not do.

Hi There,
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I agree with what's said above, he needed to have things explained to hm, in a calm way, so he understood why you were upset that he had done what he had done, I do think even at 4 he would know right from wrong, and probably in some way knew he shouldn't have gone out, but at 4 his decision making isn't where it should be so he doesn't understand the issues. He wanted to play, may have thought you would say no (but may not have thought that much) so went out while you were busy.
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If you explain the reasons you need to be watching him (without scaring the life out of him) then hopefully he will understand in future.
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I do feel though that there should have been a punishment of some sort after he had been told off and you had explained why you had told him off, he needs to understand that he did something wrong and that if he does it again, there will be punishment. Children push boundaries and as parents it's our role to keep them within them. So I would have sent him to bed, after explaining the reasons why, and that he needed to understand that he shouldn't do it again.
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It's often the case in relaitionships that one side is softer than the other with disciplin, for me I'm the strict one while my wife will allow my stepson to get away with a lot more, I don't think that is really an issue as long as you can both back each other up, when a decision has been made and not contradict each other in front of the children, that conversation should happen away from little ears.
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GTTS

Hello this is my first post on a parenting site so please excuse me if I mess up a bit.

First off, I don't believe you were too strict, in fact I think you might have been a little easy on the boy.

What do I mean by that, well I agree with some of the other post about talking to him, explaining to him why and giving a reason. But that doesn't change the consequence that needs to happen as well. I am a firm believe of a concept of 3 levels of respect. 1st: Respect yourself, 2nd: Respect others, lastly: Respect property (yours and others). What your son did was not follow the 2nd rule. He didn't respect you and your wishes to keep him safe. He then didn't respect you when you gave him a real and justified consequence for his actions. One could argue that he didn't respect himself by putting himself in a potentially unsafe situation.

One thing you are completely correct on... you and your wife must be on the same page. Both with the rules and the consequences of actions...both good and bad.

As the child is only 4, not 14 I don't think he can be expected to grasp the concept of respect. I do agree that both parents should present a united front though!