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I've changed my mind. I don't want children any more. Turns out I'm [censored] at it. [weep] Thought I had it sussed, but I wasn't prepared for my oldest reaching that age where he treats every word that comes from my mouth, as though it was spat from the devil's own [censored] (yeah, I'm having a good day :)).
He's only ten. Ten years, during which I have been sole or joint primary carer (mum's job is way better than mine): ten years of attending every club and watching from the side lines; ingratiating myself with teachers and PTAs; relearning junior school material; helping with homework; squeezing him through his 11+; cheering him on at shows and matches, shouting "that's ma boy", while every one else cringes and thinks "oh, poor dear"; ten years of cuddling and laughing and playing and teaching and nurturing and being silly.
...and then suddenly, I feel like he wouldn't p*** on me if I was on fire. The instruction manual said that this wouldn't happen until he was thirTEEN ...see, the clues in the word, thirTEEN, as in TEENager. There is no word TENager. Oh sh**, it wasn't a misprint was it. Have I been working under a misunderstanding, for all these years, because of one silly typo in a dodgy instruction manual.
I have four of these things aged between nearly four and ten and I have just worked out that one day all four of them will be TEENagers; the youngest at thirteen and the oldest at nineteen. Why did no one say anything. Why didn't my friends and family say "Don't be a fool. Don't do it. Spend all your money on cheap women and beer. Join a cult. Anything. But don't have children. Children are not just for ten years. They are for life. They evolve ...and it ain't pretty".
If an adult spoke to me and treated me the way my boy does, I'd open the door and tell him to 'F' off. Job done. But no, God in HER infinite wisdom, bestowed upon me the 'gift' of love (...and just a smattering of parental guilt). Just for a laugh, SHE thought "I'll make the bonds so strong between father and child, that no matter how bad they treat him, he is powerless to do any more than just grin and bear it". SHE also gave us facial hair, baldness and put 90% of our pain receptors in our testicles ...along with 90% of our pleasure receptors ...Oh the irony!
It's 11:00 in the morning. Is it too early to reach for the Vallium?
:whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle:
Oh boy are you having a bad day mate, loved your post - made me laugh out loud.
My 15 yo hormone monster started early as well - about 11 years so I am there with you feeling the pain - i have had four years of it, it gets worse and no end in sight :boohoo: .
There is a whole load of scientific hooha that i could quote about it but in simple terms in early teens the ability to control impulses is vastly reduced and does not fully form until the little cherubs hit their twenties. Add to this the rise in hormones and it is a potent mix that makes for parental [censored]. 😉
You haven't become the worlds worse parent over night - no matter what your son says. He doesn't really hate you and he doesn't wish he was never born. It is not personal, and trust me, I know it does feel very personal at times.
Pop back here whenever you need a sanity check
Well I have 2 eight year old boys (one my son and a step son) and they can already give it their all.
not looking forwad to teenage years and all that brings with it
...and then suddenly, I feel like he wouldn't p*** on me if I was on fire.
If it makes you feel any better, he probably would 😆
I think I missed all of this as my kids had such a bad time with their mother that they were grateful to be living with me. Having said that, my 13 year old has been with me for more than half her life now, so I think the 'honeymoon period' may be wearing off as her hormones start to rule the house.
If it makes you feel any better, he probably would 😆
.
😆 oh, I'm still laughing at that.
Is this what I've come to. I have to set myself on fire to elicit a response, beyond a barely audible grunt!
Well. He has calmed down and come down from his bedroom and gone into school for the second half of the day. Progress.
The trouble with children is that they shatter all the illusions and misconceptions about your own childhood.
I was very insecure and cried all the time when little and I always put it down to my parents being permanently on the verge of splitting up. Then I had Boy2 and he was physically and emotionally the image of me. But he is in a pretty stable family. I was just an insecure kid. No reason. Illusion shattered.
I had a [censored] relationship with my own father. He didn't care. I couldn't communicate with him AND IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT! Then Boy1 made it to ten and appears to be treating me with the contempt that I feel should have been reserved solely for my own father. So it wasn't ALL HIS FAULT. I was just 'being ten'. Illusion shattered.
Children aren't supposed to redefine your entire life; even the bits before they were born. It's not fair! Whatever happened to me being right all the time. Humph! No one understands me. It just isn't fair!
Loving this thread - genuinely funny and yet I can feel Ratso's pain oozing from his every post. :p
...and then suddenly, I feel like he wouldn't p*** on me if I was on fire.
If it makes you feel any better, he probably would 😆
This is soooo funny man - best advice on the forum ever. 👿
Great post. It gives us dads with toddlers inspiration to prepare for what's to come. I thought my three year old boy was hard work but this put it into perspective with the joys of the teenager. just one question to the dads with teenage troubles. Is there a period between the extended terrible two's and the teenage years where all is calm and bliss. I HOPE SO!!!!!
Yes - its when they're asleep 😉
That is one of the best posts on parent life with growing kids I have come across. Describes the "cannot be removed pain" just right. Can I assume you started having dry runs for Teen years from when your teen/almost teen was around 7 or 8? Correct answer here to make me feel that I am not alone is "Yes" 🙂
Currently,
I am the worst father ever!
I know nothing
Anything he does which is annoying/wrong/disrespectful he learnt from us
I do agree though, the manual did not say anything about it starting now. Add to that I have a sweet, lovely daughter who is stubborn and has a temper on her which has not fully emerged as yet and I know I will have 10x the pain when she starts to flirt with the teenage years in about 3 years time.
Oh and while I am at it, how comes he can make her raise the dead with her screaming and crying by annoying her but if either of us say anything to make her cry we are awful parents who should learn to be nicer. *sigh*
A word from experience (I may have mentioned it before on the forum), if your first child is an angel, plays quietly, sleeps the right amount and the right time and doesn't have tantrums, whatever you do, don't make the mistake of assuming that your next child will be the same - that was a mistake my parents made with my sister, and then they had me...... 😆
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