[Solved] 5 years in, ex still tries to control our life

if you aren't already doing so, keep a diary of all of this. The problem you have is that contact is continuing, so going back to court for enforcement is pushing the boundaries, but with a diary of regualr breaches, you have a better chance. As for the next contact, you could potentially simply not return your daughter until the correct time, but that may cause longer term issues - there is no right answer to this, I'm afraid, where your ex isn't playing ball.

Hi there

It's impossible to write flexibility into a court order, but it's reasonable to expect that the court order is adhered to... as actd says, if there are continuing breaches, you can apply for enforcement and it would be looked at.

If you didn't want to go for enforcement, you could apply for a Specific Issue Order, the issue being that they make plans during your court ordered contact time without offering alternatives.

You also have the option of applying for a variation, to have more definition written into the order, to cover extra time being offered, when they decide to encroach on your time. If you feel there's hostility from the ex's partner, you can ask that communication be solely between you and the mother. What you do and where you go,with your daughter during your time together can't be controlled by the mother, you can hawk to,have this addressed too.

If you decide to build an enforcement case, by recording the breaches to show a picture of continuing breaches, you wouldn't need to attend mediation before making the court application. However, said f you decide to go for either of the other two options, mediation is mandatory before court action can be taken.

I have thought in the past of not returning my daughter at the mother's requested time but sometimes I take a step back and wonder if I do that, who am I actually hurting when the mother has made promises to our daughter and I am the one then being portrayed as the bad guy.....catch 22.

So far all this has cost me in the region of £15k and two contact orders in the mother still messes about with it in a way knowing there is little/nothing I can do other than go to court again if I want to. Its annoying; its like they're a protected species and yet they ask for equality......

I will try to keep a diary of it all. I have tried before but because I'm not as petty as she is and because I simply don't have the time, the diary keeping then tails off. I will also take a look at the Specific Issues Order and Variation.

I wouldn't mind them making plans so much if I was given sufficient notice and they were being reasonable i.e. we can swap a weekend or something. But what happens I get a couple of days notice that my daughter needs to be dropped back say 36hrs earlier, no offer of alternative contact and I am expected to adhere to it. Like her husband says; you cant get a refund on unused days of a hire car which is an extremely idiotic analogy! I've reached the point where I'm thinking do I wait for my daughter to get older and be able to understand and decide where she wants to be on her own instead of trying to fight it all the time......my brain is fried.

I agree, it's an idiotic anology! It's only fair that your child's time with you is respected, they shouldn't continually make plans that encroach on that. There are times, emergency situations, when contact is disrupted, but that should only happen rarely and alternative time offered.

Some parents seem to think that the contact is for the parent, when in actual fact it's for the child; it's their right to have both parents involved in their lives and that's the premise that the courts work from, well most of the time that is.

Best of luck

Hi Mojo,

Thank you for your reply.

I'm glad its not just me that sees it as a silly analogy. I'm a reasonable guy and I understand if they want to make plans that contact may change and I have always said I am prepared to honour it, but I would like to be offered alternative contact and for them to return the favour if we want to make plans. However, this is the real world and it doesn't work like that. Its one rule for them and another for me.

I am going to start keeping a record of when all these issues happen. As of 2018 I no longer require the court's permission to make an application if needs be although as my daughter is 10 next year, is it worth going back to court or waiting it out until she's that bit older and can make her own decisions? I don't know what's best to do; one thing is for sure though; the ex will have a heck of a lot of explaining to do in front of a judge if it does go back to court. Wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

Im in a simular situation i know exactly what it like, im sure they do it to make our life awkward as possible, im just starting the court process now, wish me luck as im strugglling at moment

Not only is the analogy stupid who the [censored] does he think he is. The child is not his, this is for you and the mother to talk about NOT him. Period. When my ex's poor next victim comes on the scene if he ever tries telling me what I can or can't do with my son i'll flatten the [censored] in a court order silencing him. The courts here in the uk are seeing how women are exploiting the system and are leaning on proper judgment. Go to court, get this [censored] stamped on matey. I did, and represented myself and won everything.
Keep your chin up but silence this idiot.