[Solved] 15 year old stepson

Hi

This is difficult to answer as it's such a personal thing to try to resolve. How is he paying for the cigarettes and alcohol - are you able to restrict his funds?

Hi Simon

This is, as actd points out, a difficult one. At 15 he is pushing all the boundaries, he probably thinks he's smarter than you and can do what he likes.

The trouble is that his home life is split between three homes, each with a different set of rules, trying to impose a more strict regime on him when there's no consistency is hard to do.

Would it be possible to get together with his Dad and Grandad and see if you can't get some agreement about how to work together, agree some boundaries and agree to stick with them.

Children appreciate boundaries, even though sometimes they don't recognise that they do. At least, while he is with you, you should set out clearly what you expect from him when he is with you and what is unacceptable. Let him know that treating his mum and you with no respect will have consequences, such as grounding or taking away of privileges....this might be a game console, mobile phone or denial of pocket money. Even extra chore such as washing up or gardening can be imposed.

At the same time you might want to think about doing things together, keep him occupied when he is with you with fun things such as bowling, the cinema or laser quest.

Teenagers are not easy! All the best

He's been pinching them off his granda we think which is what we don't want we know teenagers try these things but we just don't want him going down a path of pinching to fund getting these things we've had a talk to him about it and hopefully he wont do it anymore I know we cant stop him from smoking and drinking but we wont allow it under our roof

Hi There,
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As already said this is so difficult, my stepson goes to his dad's every other weekend and when he returns we have a battle for the next few days to try and get him back to our rules, for us it's not as bad as for you as it's general cheekyness and his speech we struggle with as his dad just lets him do what he wants.
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I think as said you are going to struggle to stop him from doing these things as he lives mainly with his dad, but as you have said some ground rules about what he does in your home is probably the best way, we explain to my stepson that while he is with his dad, it doesn't matter what he does (to an extent) but when he returns back home to us, he needs to remember where he is and how he should act.
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GTTS

Hi Simon

It's best to nip it in the bud, if he's pinching cigarettes today and getting away with it he might think its ok to take things from other people....

It's good to hear that you've been able to talk to him, he knows where he stands now and hopefully he will respect the boundaries that you have set him. If he's towing the line a treat wouldn't go amiss, everyone responds to incentives!

Best of luck with it.