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Ex's new partner(they are now married) is very controlling and not a very nice person, the partner was the reason contact stopped for me and my child for over a year, contact has started again due to me going through the court process but the child is saying some very strange things and I feel like this will continue and only get worse, I am even more worried then I was before about the influence of this person, their hatred for me as their biological parent and the impact it will have negatively on the child and their relationship with me.
Any advice?
How old is your child, and if you dont mind me asking, what is it they are saying which is of concern? You might want to get advice from the NSPCC speak to the school too and see if their teachers have noticed anything, then raise it with social services?
Early 4 years, for now it's just certain sentences on video calls, that I know would be what he has heard and not what a 4 year old would say, it's early stages so I am sure, I am just being cautious. I know as long as he continues to live with ex's new partner, he will continue to hear bad things about me and lies from this other person about things, and then say things he probably would not say or stories he may of been told which are lies, as contact progresses again.
hi,
at the moment, are you only getting video calls with your child?
I think even without there being a new partner, the child will pick up on adult conversations that are going on around them. As we have no control over what goes on in the other parents house, there is not a lot that can be done about that. If you have serious concerns for your child, you should consider contacting your local childrens/social services.
Best thing to do is not rise to anything they do and hurt them back by building up lots of contact with your child creating a lovely bond between yourselves. generally its normally ex partners that do majority of obstructing a relationship which results in manipulating new partner to behave in same way as well as she would be bad mouthing you. More you react to it the worse they will become no doubt until they finally accept your child has a dad who they should be seeing on a regular basis
yes, only video calls now with gradual progression to overnights again as that's what it was before contact stopped and new partner come on the scene
It's tough, thank you I appreciate your advice, if you do have anything else to share, or see anything else similar, please do share, I just worry this person is absolutely toxic, to the point he buy's cards with "to my child" on them even though the child knows who his dad is etc
yes it is tough. the best solution is to have regular contact with your child in your house. this is what is going to happen through the court process. so you should stay focused on that. I have heard of situations where an ex partner will tell the child that their step dad is their real dad, or he/she must call him daddy.
do not get worked up. quietly document and gather evidence, and let court know about your concerns.
thank you, do you know if there is a way to document the video calls or would the court not use these, it's hard to gain "evidence" as it all comes from a child's mouth. Let me know your thoughts, it would be great help, thank you!
it would be a sensitive issue as the child is only 4. Making allegations about this could cause further delays for your case. at your next hearing I think you should ask the court that the mother should make an effort to not let the child overhear adult conversations or make any negative comments about the father in his presence.
It is quite common for these kind of issues to be written down in the court order, for parents to obey. It's good that this video calling is only a temporary phase.
I understand that, it is early but I just want to prevent it before it gets worse, I have seen all types of stories about how it progresses from the other party as child gets older, I guess I just got to maintain the contact, and keep that there and the child will be able to see, what's true and what's not, eventually
I had only video calls with the kids for 3 months earlier on during the lockdown. fortunately I was in the middle of court hearings while this was going on. so i complained to court that there's no privacy during these calls, family members hanging around in the background. so they ordered that family are not allowed to be in the background while calls go on.
as your case progresses, your child will spend time with you in your own home. he will learn about you and what your really like. so whatever negative influence he may be getting from the other parent, it will start to get undone.